英語相聲劇本二人
⑴ 急求兩人英語相聲
Little Red Riding Hood
第一場：Little Red Riding Hood家
Mum： (媽媽拿著一個籃子，把桌子上的水果放在籃子里）
Little Red Riding Hood:(唱著歌，歡快地跑進來）Hi,mummy, what are you doing?
Mum： （一邊把水果放在籃子里，心事重重地說）Grandma is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma. Take them to Grandma.
Little Red Riding Hood：（邊提起籃子，邊點頭說）Ok!
Mum： （親切地看著Little Red Riding Hood說） Be good. Be careful.
Little Red Riding Hood： Yes ,mummy．Goodbye, mummy.
Mum： Bye-bye. Darling.
第二場：在路上
(一陣輕快的音樂由遠而近，Little Red Riding Hood挎著籃子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁)
Little Red Riding Hood： Wow！Flowers, how beautiful! （放下籃子採花）One flower ,two flowers, three flowers.
Wolf：（wolf大步地走上台）I am wolf. I am hungry. (做找東西狀,東張西望) Here is a little red riding hood. Hi! Little Red Riding Hood. Where are you going? (做狡猾的樣子和Little Red Riding Hood打招呼)
Little Red Riding Hood：(手摸辮子，天真地回答)To Grandma』s．Grandma is ill.
Wolf：（自言自語）I' ll eat Grandma. But……（對Little Red Riding Hood說）Hey, look! 6 little baby cks.
Little Red Riding Hood：(和6隻鴨子隨著音樂翩翩起舞)
Wolf：（悄悄地藏到大樹後）
Little Red Riding Hood：（停止跳舞）Hello! Baby cks，how are you?
Six Ducks：We』 re fine．Thank you． Where are you going?
Little Red Riding Hood：To Grandma』s．Oh, I must go, bye.
Six Ducks：Goodbye．
第三場：Grandma家
Grandma： （喘著氣出場，顫顫悠悠地走到床前，吃力地坐到床邊，喘了幾口，打幾個哈欠，慢吞吞地躺倒在床上。）
Wolf：（從樹後出來，邊走邊說）I am very hungry now. (做找尋的樣子)Where is Grandma』 s house? (高興地對觀眾說)Aha , it』s here.(敲門)Bang, Bang, Bang．
Grandma： Who is it？
Wolf：（裝出Little Red Riding Hood的聲音，一邊得意地搖動尾巴，一邊說）It』s me. Little Red Riding Hood.
Grandma： (邊說邊起床) Come in, come in.
Wolf：(得意洋洋地走到床邊) Grandma , I』ll eat you.
Grandma： （驚慌失措地抓緊衣服，瞪著眼睛，邊叫迫從床上滾到地上）
灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里。
Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子，翹起大拇指）Yummy！I』ll sleep.
Little Red Riding Hood：(高興地敲門)Grandma．Grandma．
Wolf：(裝扮成Grandma的聲音) Who is it？
Little Red Riding Hood：It』s me。Little Red Riding Hood. What a strange noise!
Wolf：Come in， Come in.
Little Red Riding Hood：(蹦跳著進來，把籃子放在桌子上，走到床前一看，跳回幾步)Oh! What are big ears!
Wolf：I can listen to your sweet voice.
Little Red Riding Hood：Wow! What a big eyes!
Wolf：I can see you pretty face.
Little Red Riding Hood：Oh! What a big hand.
Wolf：I can hug you.
Little Red Riding Hood：（跪在床前，拉起Wolf的手，邊摸邊說）Look! What a big hands?
Wolf：(從床上跳起來說)I can eat you!
Little Red Riding Hood：(拚命地跑)Oh！No! No!
Wolf：（追到Little Red Riding Hood，做吃狀，拍拍肚子說）It』s delicious. I still sleep. I like sleeping.
Hunter： (一邊拿著槍，一邊做尋找狀出場)Where』s the wolf? Look! A door．(推門)The wolf is sleeping.
Wolf：(發出呼呼的響聲)
Hunter： (端起槍想打，又放下)What a big stomach! (摸摸Wolf的肚子)Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood are inside .I must be hurry．(從桌子上拿起剪刀，舉起) Look! Scissors. (做剪Wolf的肚子)Cut, cut, cut.
Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma：Thank you．
Hunter： Grandma ,give me some needles and thread． Little Riding Hood ,Give me some stones．
Grandma： (從桌子上拿來針線)
Little Red Riding Hood：(搬來幾個石頭)One, two, three.
Hunter： (把小石頭裝進Wolf的衣服里)
Grandma： I'll thread it.
Hunter： (拿起槍)Woke up!
Wolf：(起床，兩手托著大肚子)My stomach is so heavy.
Hunter： You big bad wolf, raise your arms!
Wolf：(邊跑邊說) Help! Don』t shot me!
Hunter： （開槍）Bang, bang!
Wolf： (應聲倒下)
Hunter： The bad wolf is dead．
Little Red Riding Hood和Grandma：Yeah! Thank you．
⑵ 求英語相聲劇本
天呢，給各位說一段英語相聲。
這位大家都認識，XXX我的搭檔
小號吹得好！ 就是最近啊，身體不好
尤其這次病的挺嚴重的，都破相了。
痔瘡。 呵呵，開個玩笑
就上個星期吧，XXX給我打點話：走啊，一起游泳去
我說：不去！ 我嫌臟，游泳池裡面有很多人都在裡面撒尿
他說：別怕，我們也可以尿！
最後還是他一個人去了。
當天下午3點，打電話給我：哥，帶2000塊贖我來吧，尿尿讓人逮著了。
去把他領回來。問他怎麼回事，他說：他們都在池子里尿的，我是站在岸邊尿的。
過兩天，他自己又去了。下午又給我打電話：兄弟。來贖我來吧，又讓人逮著了
去把他領回來，問他：又站岸邊尿了？ 他說：沒有啊。這次在池子里尿的，不過這幾天有點上火，尿是黃的。
Today, I would like to present a cross-talk.
This is XXX, my partner, everybody knows him.
He blows his trumpet very well! But he has been indisposed recently
This time he』s really very sick, he』s disfigured.
Hemorrhoids. Ha ha, it』s just a joke.
Just last week, XXX gave me a call: 「Come, let』s go swimming 」
I answered: 「No, it』s dirty; lots of people urinate in the pool」
He said: 「Don』t worry, we also can urinate!」
Finally he went alone.
Later in the afternoon at three o』clock, he called me: 「Brother, please bring 2000 Yuan to l me out, I was caught urinating.」
I asked him what』d happened after taking him back, he said: 「They urinated in the pool, but I did it standing at the poolside.」
Two days later, again he went there alone. In the afternoon, he called me again: 「Brother, I was caught again, come and l me.」
After bringing him back, I asked: 「Urinated at the poolside again?」
He answered: 「No, this time I did it in the pool, but these few days I have excessive internal heat, my urine was yellow. 」
這里有很多，自己找找就可以了．http://www.playauthor.com/Article/ShowClass.asp?ClassID=2
⑶ 兩個人的英語相聲 劇本 有分
今天，我給大家說段相聲！（邊說邊張望）怎麼還不來。
乙：(慌慌張張上)我來了
甲：呦，您……您這是怎麼了？
乙：別提了，都是那英語給鬧的！
甲：怎麼了？都怎麼了？快說來聽聽！
乙：倒霉事全讓我給碰上了！
甲：你那些倒霉事情都是你親自倒霉的？
乙：廢話！還有別人代替倒霉的？
甲：能不能把你那些倒霉事說給大家聽聽
乙：不願意！
甲：為什麼？
乙：心裡難受。
甲：想要大家的掌聲嗎？
乙：當然想
甲：你講了，大家就會給你鼓掌，是不是呀？
乙：那就給大夥說說？
甲：好！大夥給鼓鼓掌掌！
乙：說起我這些倒霉事呀，都怨我英語學得太好了。
甲：怨英語學得好？
乙：可不是嗎。你記得我家旁邊那鄰居家大個子嗎？
甲：記得！就那個說中國話都（學一段結巴）這樣的！
乙：就是這個四肢發達，嘴巴結巴的二狗子打我的！。
甲：他干嗎打你了？
乙：他不是上高一嗎？
甲：對！
乙：高一不是也有英語嗎！
甲：英語那是必修課！
乙：你想就他那中國話都學不好，英語肯定是一個字。
甲：什麼？
乙：bad!
甲：他英語差礙你了？
乙：唉，就上個周末！他拿了一張全是英文翻譯中文的卷子。
甲：周末布置點作業沒什麼那！
乙：他沒什麼，我有事了！
甲：怎麼了！
乙：他像往常一樣，找我來問問題了！
甲：他都高一，來找一個初中生問問題？
乙：誰讓咱英語好呢。
甲：那就教唄
乙：該死就該死在這個出卷子的老師上。
甲：怎麼了。
乙：那題目條條都是要命的！
甲：怎麼個要命法！
乙：我一個人演不了，要咱們配合一下，我演二狗子，你演我。
甲：行！
乙：你正在看電視呢，我拿著卷子近來問你題目，你一邊看電視一邊回答！
甲：行！
乙：小毛驢！
甲：唉，（這都什麼名字，沒個好聽的）
乙：我……我問你兩……兩道題目。這個「I don』t know.」是……是……是……什麼意思？
甲：「I don』t know.」我不知道
乙：你別……別看電視了，你怎……怎麼會都……都不……不知道！
甲：不是！就是「我不知道」嗎！！
乙：還嘴……嘴硬！！！！(一個腦瓜嘣兒)
那「I know.「是……是什麼意思，你……你該……該知道吧。
甲：是「我知道「
乙：知……知道就……就快說。
甲：就是「我知道「
乙：找……找……茬呀你？剛才收拾……收拾的輕了是不？
甲：就是我知道呀！
乙：知道……知道你還不說！！不懂……不……不要裝懂！ (又三個腦瓜嘣) 你……你給我小……小心點，不就英……英語學得好！跟誰……誰擺譜，再問你最……最後一個，說……說不出來我……我收拾你，「I know but I don』t want to tell you.「是什麼意思？
甲：我知道，但是我就不想告訴你！
乙：我一聽這題目，我敢翻譯嗎？我拿起枕頭往頭上爆砸三十幾下，我告訴他，我不會，這下你滿意吧？
甲：滿意了不？
乙：總算走了，不過一會兒就來問我了「I hear nothing ,repeat. 是what意思啊「
甲:「我沒聽清,再說一次「
乙:I hear nothing, repeat.
甲：我沒聽清,再說一次
乙：我這是話音剛落，就連被彈了三個腦瓜嘣兒。
最後問了一句：Look up in the dictionary是什麼意思！
甲：「查字典」
乙：我剛說出口，頭上又來兩下。
甲：那你！
乙：我連忙改口：鄰居是最好的朋友！
甲：你怎麼瞎說！
乙：我敢說實話嗎！再說實話我不得一命嗚呼那！
甲：唉，看來你是夠倒霉的。
⑷ 英語小品劇本搞笑2人
多少男青年為求婚這件事傷透了腦筋。朋友和他女友是異地戀，在情人節那天他想向她求婚，於是想了個絕妙的點子。那天在火車站送走了女朋友後，他立馬坐飛機到了她城市，拿著花在火車站等著她。隨著火車進站，他卻看到他女友挽著一個男的親熱的下了火車。。。
⑸ 急求一篇：英語雙人相聲，搞笑的，還要帶翻譯的。
A: well, this is not small X?
甲：唷，這不是小X嗎？
B: well, is a small X ah, what are you doing recently?
乙：唷，是小X啊，最近忙什麼哪？
A: hi, do not have what matter, play chess, old didn't see you he, is he ok?
甲：嗨，沒啥事，下下象棋，老沒見你們老爺子了，他還好嗎？
B: Joe your blessing, also is hale and hearty.
乙：托您福，還硬朗著呢。
A: your father also like playing chess.
甲：你爸爸也喜歡下象棋。
B: yes, it is
乙：是啊
A: don't, before I'm old and your father play chess.
甲：可不，以前我老和你爸爸下棋。
B: that's right
乙：沒錯
A: once we both play chess, I still remain a then, your father still remain a like...
甲：有一回我們倆下棋，我還剩一士，你爸爸還剩一象。。。
B: that's not a draw?
乙：那不和棋了嗎？
A: yes, as I am also a draw, but your father not stem, must then down not?
甲：是啊，依著我也是和棋，可你爸爸不幹，非得接著下不可？
B: ah??????? How do the next?
乙：啊？？那怎麼下呀？
A: ha ha, your father has idea.
甲：呵呵，你爸爸有主意。
B: any idea?
乙：什麼主意？
A: your dad said "don't let's and the like are!"
甲：你爸爸說了「要不咱們士象都過河吧。」
甲：B: never heard of it! 乙：沒聽說過！
A: then what your father like just across the river, I taxi also across the river, you dad took his like like me, I will take my taxi and your father... Your dad to like me, and I'll then your father, your father like me, I and your father, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa...
甲：然後呢你爸爸的象就過河了，我的士也過河了，你爸爸就拿他的象象我，我
就拿我的士士你爸爸。。。你爸爸再象我，我再士你爸爸，你爸爸象我，我士你爸爸
，你爸爸象我我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我
我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我我是你爸爸。。。。。。。。。
B: go to your!!!!!
乙：去你的吧！！
⑹ 英語2人小品劇本帶翻譯
An English play---- Pig Guy has been defeated by Monkey King 悟空：師傅，是不是太累了？休息一下再走吧。 Master, are you tired? Let』s have a rest. 唐僧：沒關系，前面不遠就有人家了，到了那裡再休息吧。 I am fine. Let』s have a rest later. Look! There is a house over there. 悟空仔細地攙扶唐僧繼續行走，同時另一邊老頭、老媽、小媳婦出場。 小媳婦（做哭狀）：爹、媽，我…… Daddy, mommy, I, I … 老頭：女兒，快走吧，不然那豬精來了，就走不了了。 Honey, hurry up. The spirit is coming soon. 小媳婦走幾步又回頭跑回老媽的懷里，抱頭痛哭。老頭在一邊嘆息，擦淚。 唐僧、悟空走到他們面前。 悟空：師傅，到了。 Master, here we are. 唐僧（走到老頭面前行禮，悟空看見了正在哭的母女倆，覺得奇怪，上下打量）：老施主，我是從 東土大唐前往西天取經的和尚，想借貴地休息一晚，不知方便否？ Excuse me, sir. I am the monk from the east. Can we stay over here tonight? 老頭（做哽咽狀）：哦，是東土大唐來的高僧啊，可以可以。（別過臉去繼續哭泣） Oh, you are the monk from the east. Sure. Sure, come in, please …… 唐僧正在奇怪，老媽聞聲抬起頭，仔細打量唐僧，突然撲到唐僧面前。 老媽：高僧啊，你可要救救我的女兒，救救我們一家啊。 Master, please save my daughter, save my family… 唐僧：老施主休要傷心，有什麼事慢慢說。 Don』t be sad, madam. Take it easy. What happened? 老頭：高僧有所不知，我們這里有一隻豬精，今天要來跟我女兒成親，大家都斗不過它，現在正 准備把女兒送出去逃避 Master, there is a spirit here. He wants to marry my daughter, tonight. We are all afraid of him. 唐僧：施主莫怕，我這徒弟本領高強，也許他能幫上你們。 Calm down, sir. My apprentice has great capability. Maybe, he can help you. 老頭：唉，高僧啊，以前也來過自稱本領高強的師傅，結果都被這豬精打跑了。今天你們就躲著 別出來了吧。 Alas! , master, there have been many people who boast to be very capable. But every time, they were defeated by the spirit. You』d better keep away tonight. 悟空：噢，有這么厲害的妖怪？我倒要會他一會。待會你們只管躲起來，外面發生什麼事，都不 用管。 What? Is the spirit really so strong? I』d like to see how great he is. All of you just stay inside. Don』t come out no matter what happens. 這時起了風聲（音樂），老頭一家嚇得站起來混身發抖。小媳婦嚇得直往老媽懷里鑽。悟空鎮定 地舉手示意，讓師傅及老頭一家人躲到房間裡面去。自己也手搭涼篷看了看，便不慌不忙地也躲 在了門後，露出一段紅袖子。 豬八戒大笑著耀武揚威地走上場來，嘴裡大喊：小娘子，我來了。 Darling, here I am. 站在台上停一下，見沒有動靜，覺得奇怪，往房屋裡看去，見露出一段紅袖子，高興地一拍手掌。 八戒：小娘子還害羞呢，不敢出來見老豬嗎？來，來，來，我們就要是夫妻了，還害什麼羞呀！。 Darling, don』t be so shy! Please come to me. Come on, we will be a couple. 豬八戒跑上去輕輕拉住紅袖子，把小娘子拖了出來，小娘子作出害羞的樣子，有時又做出猴子的 模樣。 八戒：小娘子，不用怕，我雖然長得丑，但本領高強，一定會讓你過上好日子的。 Darling, don』t be afraid. Although I am ugly, I am so powerful. I am sure that I can make you happy. 小娘子笑著點頭，抓耳撓腮。 八戒：小娘子，你高興的時候幹嘛要像猴子一樣？ Darling, why do you look like a monkey ? 小娘子：我一高興就覺得癢，所以就抓一抓。 When I am happy, I always tickle. 八戒：高興就好，高興就好。我們快入洞房吧。 Fine, let』s go to the bedroom. 八戒拉住小娘子就往房子裡面鑽。小娘子作出動腦筋的樣子，又把八戒拉回來。 八戒：哇，小娘子，你好大的力氣啊，幹嘛把我拉出來啊？ Darling. Why are you so powerful? 小娘子：夫君，你這模樣進去會嚇著我的父母的，還是去你家裡吧。 Honey, your appearance will frighten my parents. We』d better go to your home. 八戒：去我家？那太好了，我們這就走吧。 Go to my house？OK. that』s a great idea. Let』s go. 兩人走了幾步，小女子做出腿疼摔了一下的樣子，八戒忙扶起她，作出痛惜的樣子。 小女子：我一個弱女子，哪裡能走這么遠？夫君背我吧。 I cannot walk any further. Can you carry me on your back? 八戒：背你？好，好，好。誰讓你是我的媳婦呢？ Carry you on my back? All right. You're my wife after all. Come on. 八戒把小女子背上：娘子，我們這就出發了。 Darling, Let's go. 小女子（在八戒頭上一點）：走吧，獃子。 Okay. Let』s go. 音樂響起(直到八戒摔倒)。八戒在台上走一圈，做出越走越慢，越走越累的樣子。小女子在他背 上抓耳撓腮，非常高興。 八戒：小娘子，你怎麼這么重啊？ Darling, why are you so heavy? 小女子：不是我重，只怕是你不想背我吧？ Do you think so? Don't you want to carry me?) 八戒：不,不,不，我背，我背。 Yes, I do. I do. 繼續艱難地走。小女子得意地在背上笑。八戒體力不支，一跤摔倒，小女子倒地之後， 靈活地越上台上的假山，先做出猴子笑看八戒的樣子，再做出摔疼了的樣子在那裡呻吟。 八戒聽到女子的呻吟，忙東張西望找小媳婦。 八戒：娘子，摔著了沒有？娘子，摔著了沒有？娘子，你摔到哪去了？怎麼看不見你了？ Darling, are you OK? Darling, where are you? Why can't I see you? 小女子（偷偷地笑，再裝作痛苦的樣子）：夫君，我在這里呢。 Honey, I am here. 八戒：哇，娘子, 你怎麼摔到高的地方去了？ Darling. Why did you go up there? 小女子：還不是你這獃子害的。 That's your fault. 八戒：對不起，娘子。對不起，娘子。 Sorry, darling. I』m very sorry. 小女子：看你這么辛苦，我也摔疼了，那就休息休息吧。 You look so tired, and I feel sore. Let』s have a rest. 八戒：太好了。 我們就休息一下吧！ Have a rest? That』s a good idea. Let』s have a rest. 八戒聽了高興地坐在下面休息，小女子仔細地打量他。 小女子（撒嬌地）：夫君，你是哪裡的神仙，我都還不知道，怎麼能嫁給你呢？你可要告訴我。 Honey, how can I marry you? I don』t even know where you come from. You must tell me the truth first. 八戒：唉，別提了，想當年我本是天上的天篷元帥，上天入地，八面威風。只因冒犯了嫦娥， 被玉帝貶下凡塵，錯投了豬胎，長成這般模樣。 Alas! Don』t mention it. I was Tianpeng marshal, I could fly between heaven and the world. Only because I made a big mistake, I was punished by Yudi. So I became a pig. That』s why I am so ugly. 小女子：虧你長得這么丑，還敢出來見人。 You look too ugly to meet people. 八戒：本來我也不想出來，只是南海觀音點化我，叫我在這里等候前往西天的取經人。等了這么久， 也不見，便出來逛逛，能碰到娘子你，是我一生的造化，還管它什麼西天取經呢？（八戒高興地過 去想拉小女子的手） I didn』t want to come here. Nanhai Guanyin asked me to wait for Tangseng. I've been waiting for a long time, but nobody has come. It』s lucky to meet you here. 小女子（把手甩開）：你說自己是天上的神仙，怎麼連我都背不動，真讓人難以相信。 You said that you were an immortal in the heaven . Why can』t you carry me? It』s impossible! 八戒：我真的是天上的神仙，你幹嘛不信呢你。 I am really the immortal. Why don』t you believe me? 小女子：那你拿出點本事來瞧瞧。 Show me some gongfu then. 八戒：好，讓我露兩手來給你看看。 OK, let me show you my gongfu. 從石頭後拿出釘鈀，舞了起來。小女子暗暗點頭。當八戒的釘色舞到小女子面前時，被小女子一把 抓住，往石山後面一拖，八戒被拖了過去。 八戒：娘子，你怎麼這么大的力氣？ Darling. Why are you so strong? 小女子：有本事你把我拖出去呀。 Pull me out if you can . 八戒做出用力拖的樣子，沒有發現拖出來的卻是悟空。悟空一鬆手，八戒摔倒在地。 八戒：娘子，你怎麼這么狠心把我摔倒了? 不要開玩笑了。 How could you let me fall down? Don』t kid any longer. 悟空大笑：獃子，看看我是誰！ You Silly! Look at me. Who am I? 八戒一看，嚇得跳起來：齊天大聖，我的媽呀。 My god! You are Mahatma! 八戒轉身想跑，被悟空攔住，兩人打了起來，八戒不是對手，被悟空壓住，不能動彈。 悟空：獃子，你可還敢在這里害人不成？ You silly! Dare you harm others any more? 八戒：不敢了，不敢了。 No, I dare not! 悟空： 你可還敢在這里娶媳婦？ Dare you wive yet? 八戒：不敢了。大聖爺爺饒我。 No,no. Please forgive me, Mahatma. 悟空：量你也不敢。 I bet you dare not. 悟空放開，八戒轉身想跑，被悟空一把抓住耳朵，疼得直叫。 悟空：獃子，想往哪裡去？ You silly, where are you going? 八戒：我已答應你，不再鬧事了，幹嘛還不放我走？ I'll never make trouble any more. Why don't you let me go? 悟空：獃子，我帶你去見取經人。 You silly, I'm taking you to meet the sutra-seeker. 八戒：什麼？取經人來了？ What? Has Tangseng come? 悟空：走吧。 Yes. Let's go! 兩人在台上走半圈，來到房前。 悟空：師傅，出來吧，這妖怪已經被我降服了。 Master, please come out! The spirit has been defeated ! 唐僧等人走了出來，老頭一家還有些戰戰兢兢。 悟空：獃子，還不跪下，見過師傅。 You silly, kneel down to meet your master. 八戒忙對著唐僧下跪，口喊師傅。唐僧非常吃驚。 Master, nice to meet you here. 唐僧：徒兒，這是怎麼回事？ My prentice, what's up? 悟空：師傅，這是觀世音菩薩特意讓他在此等候陪您上西天取經的。 Master, he will accompany you to the west at Guanyin's behest. 唐僧：哦，多謝觀世音菩薩，既然這樣我就收你為徒，賜你法名為 八戒。 I see! Thank Guanyin! Since then, I will take you as my prentice and name you Bajie. 八戒：謝謝師傅（站了起來）。 Thank you, my master! 老頭：恭喜高僧又收神徒。 Congratulations! 唐僧：徒兒們，我們上路吧。（八戒還依依不捨地看著小女子） Let's go ahead, my prentices. 悟空：八戒，還看什麼呢？走了。 Bajie, there is nothing to attach to. Let's go! 八戒戀戀不舍地走到前面帶路。
採納哦
⑺ 求一篇2人的英語相聲劇本
Once there lived a kind and lovely girl. After her father's death, her stepmother became cruel to her.Her two step-sisters teased her, asking her to do all the housework.
從前有一位可愛善良的姑娘，她父親很早就去世了。她的繼母經常虐待她，繼母帶來的兩個孩子也經常欺負她，她們把灰姑娘當女擁一樣使喚。
stepmother: Do the laundry and get on with your ties. Clean the floors right away. And what's more,bring me my breakfast.
把這些衣服拿到洗衣房做你的事情。把地板趕快給我擦乾凈。另外，把我的早飯帶來。
stepsister1: Cinderella! Get me my sweater, I feel a little cold.
灰姑娘，把我的衣服拿來，我感到有點冷。
stepsister2: Hurry up! Prepare the carriage for me, hand me my gloves. I'm to be late for my date. You're so, you're always so sluggish.
快點！把馬車給我准備好，遞我手套。我約會要晚了，你總是那麼慢慢騰騰的。
Cruel as her stepmother was to her, Cinderella still lived an optimistic life. She had a lot of animal friends.
雖然繼母這樣對她，可灰姑娘還是樂觀地活著，另外她還有許多小動物做她的朋友。
One day, the king held a party for the prince to choose the girl he loved. Every maid in the town was invited to the party.
一天，國王要讓王子自己選擇心愛的人，為王子舉辦了一個宮廷舞會，邀請城裡所有的姑娘參加。
The stepmother took her two daughters to the party, leaving Cinderella at home, because she was jealous of Cinderella's beauty.
可繼母嫉妒灰姑娘的美貌，讓灰姑娘在家幹活，獨自帶著女兒去了。
Cinderella was broken-hearted. At that time, her fairy godmother appeared.
灰姑娘非常地傷心，這時，教母出現了。
Cinderella: There's nothing left to believe in. Nothing!
沒有什麼我相信的事情，什麼也沒有！
Godmother: Nothing, my dear? Oh, now you don't really mean that.
親愛的，什麼也沒有嗎？但現在你的意思並不是這樣。
Cinderella: Oh, but I do.
噢，但我確實是這樣想的。
Godmother: Nonsense, child! If you'd lost all your faith, I couldn't be here. And here I am!Oh, come now, Dry those tears!
胡說，孩子。如果你失去了你的信仰，我就不會在這里了。但現在我在這，噢，過來，擦乾眼淚。
Cinderella: Why then, you must be...
為什麼你一定在。。。
Godmother: Your fairy godmother? Of course. Now let's see, hmm...now...the magic words.Bibbidi-boddidi-boo. Put them together and what have you got.
你傳說中的教母？當然，現在讓我看看。。。現在，這些魔力的話，Bibbidi-boddidi-boo。 把它們放在一起，看你得到了什麼。
Cinderella: Oh, it's beautiful! It's like a dream, a wonderful dream come true.
噢，它太美麗了！象一個夢，一個美好的夢想變成了現實。
Godmother: Yes, my child, but like all dreams, well, I'm afraid this can't last forever. You'll have only till night and...
是的，我的孩子，象所有的夢一樣。恐怕它不能永遠延續下去。你僅僅能在午夜和。。。擁有它。
Cinderella: Midnight?Oh, thank you.
午夜？噢，謝謝你。
Godmother: Oh, just a minute. Remember, on the stroke of twelve, the spell will be broken and everything will be as it was before.
噢，等一會兒。記住，當時鍾敲響到12點的時候，鍾將會打破，一切事情又恢復了從前。
Cinderella: Oh, I understand, but...it's more than I ever hoped for.
哦，我懂了。但它比我期望的要多地多。
Godmother: Bless you, my child. Enjoy yourself.
祝福你，我的孩子，玩得開心。
At the party, Cinderella danced with the prince all the time.Time passed quickly. All of a sudden, Cinderella caught sight of the clock on the wall. Oh, it is almost
twelve o'clock-five to twelve!
舞會上，灰姑娘成了王子唯一選中的舞伴，灰姑娘與王子高興地跳舞，旁人都很羨慕地看著他們，議論他們。時間在美妙的歌舞中過去，牆上的大鍾突然映入灰姑娘的眼裡，差5分鍾12點。
Cinderella: Oh, my goodness!
噢，天啊！
Prince: What's the matter?
什麼事？
Cinderella: It's midnight. It's almost midnight.
午夜了，快到午夜了。
Prince: Yes, so it is.But why?
是的，但又怎樣呢？
Cinderella: Goodbye.
再見。
Prince: No, no,wait, you can't go now.
不，等等，你現在不能走。
Cinderella: Oh, I must, please, I must.
噢，我必須走。
Prince: But why?
但為什麼呢？
Cinderella: goodbye.
再見。
Prince: No, wait, come back. Please come back! I don't even know your name. How will I find you? Wait, please wait! Wait!
不，等等，回來，請回來！我連你的名字都不知道呢。我怎麼能找到你呢？等等，等等，等等！
Cinderella: Goodbye.
再見。
The next day, every maid in the town was ordered to try the glass shoe.Whoever the shoes fitted well would be the bride of the princel.No one could put on the shoe, nor
could the two step-sisters. When the officials were going to leave, Cinderella appeared and asked to have a try.
第二天，國王命令城中每一位女孩必須史穿玻璃鞋，穿上鞋子最合適的姑娘將成為王子的新娘。但城中沒有一個女孩能穿著合適。最後來到灰姑娘的家中，繼母的女兒們當然也不能穿上那雙玻璃鞋，
正當國王的大臣要離開時，灰姑娘出現在樓梯上，她要求試一試鞋。
Cinderella: Please wait! May I try it on?
請等等！我可以試一下嗎？
Stepmother: Oh, pay no attention to her.
噢，別理她。
stepsister1: It's only Cinderella!
她僅僅是灰姑娘！
stepsister2:Impossible.
不可能。
stepsister1: She's out of her mind.
她瘋了。
stepmother: Yes, yes. Just an imaginative child.
是的，是的，只是一個愛想像的孩子。
Duke:Of course, you can have a try, my fair lady.
當然你可以試試，我的女士。
Duke: Oh, no!No!This is terrible. The king! What shall I do?
噢，不！不！這很糟糕。國王！我該做什麼呢？
Cinderella: But perhaps this would help...
但這或許有點幫助。。。。
Duke: No, no. Nothing can help now, nothing.
不，不。現在什麼都幫不了。
Cinderella: You see, I have the other slipper.
你看，我有另一隻拖鞋。
Cinderella and the prince held a grand wedding and they led a happy life from then on.
王子和灰姑娘舉行了盛大的婚禮，幸福地生活。
<<灰姑娘>>劇本英文版：
第一場：
旁白：Long, long ago, there was a cute girl, her name is Alice, her mother was dead, her father loved her very much.
Father: Dear daughter! These presents are for you! Do you like them?
Alice: Yeah, thank you, Dad.
Father: My lovely daughter, I hope you are happy forever!
旁白：But one day, her father married a new wife.
Look, her step mother and her new sisters are coming.
Stepmother: Helen, Jenny, look, how beautiful the house is!
mso-charHelen: Yes, and so many fruits. Apples，bananas, mangoes and lychee. Wow, I like them.(吃水果)
Jerry: Mum, look, so many beautiful clothes. I like this dress.
(往身上穿)
Alice： Oh, no, that』s my dress. It』s a new dress my father bought for me.
Jerry： Who are you? Mum, who is she?
Stepmother: She is your little sister. But it doesn』t matter. Look!
Alice, go, clean the room and then cook for us.
Alice: Why? I』m not your servant.
Stepmother: Yeah. But from now on you are our servant.
Alice and Jerry: Mum, I like her dress.(拽衣服)
Jenny：I like her necklace.(搶項鏈戴在脖子上)
旁白：After that, Alice had been their servant. She worked and worked from morning to night. She had no room to live, she had no good food to eat and good clothes to wear.
She was more and more dirty, so people called her Cinderella.
第二場：
Stepmother: Who is it?
Soldier: It』s me. I』m the soldier of the palace.
(打開門)Good morning, madam, this is for you and your daughters.
mso-charStepmother: What is it?(打開信看)
（歡呼）Helen, Jerry, good news! There will be a big dancing party in the palace. The prince will select a queen among the young girls.
mso-charTwo daughters: Hooray! I』ll be the queen!
mso-charStepmother: Come on, daughters. You must put on your most beautiful dress and make up!
mso-charAlice: Mum, I want to go ,too.
mso-charThree: You? Look at yourself, so dirty and so ugly.
mso-charStepmother: Daughters, are you ready? Let』s go.
mso-charAlice: Oh, my friends. I really want to go. What shall I do?
mso-charCat, Peagion, Dog: Don』t be so sad, Alice. At least, we are with you.
mso-charFairy: Poor girl, let me help you.
mso-charAnimals: Wow, how beautiful!
mso-charCat: You』re the most beautiful girl I』ve seen.
mso-charDog: Yes! You will be the most beautiful girl in the party!
mso-charPeagion: Yes! And the prince will love you at once!
mso-charFairy: Alice, go to the party and dance. But remember you
150%; TEXT-INDENT: 48pt; mso-char-indent-count: 4.0; mso-char-indent-size: 12.0pt">must come back before 12 o』clock. Or you will
150%; TEXT-INDENT: 48pt; mso-char-indent-count: 4.0; mso-char-indent-size: 12.0pt">change back.
Alice: Thank you , Fairy.(跑)
Fairy: (喊)Be careful! Don』t forget the time!
Alice: I won』t forget.
第三場
mso-charMinister1: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the prince dancing ball. This night,
our prince will select the most beautiful and kindest girl to be his queen .Now, young girls, come to the front,please!
Minister2：How are they?Which one do you like?
Prince: No, I don』t like anyone.
(Alice come in)
Ministers: Wow, how beautiful!
(She』s like a fairy. She』s like a Angel. She』s so lovely. She』s like a princess. How pretty the girl is!)
Prince: Pretty princess, may I dance with you?
Alice: I』d like to.
(music and dance)
(one person pick up a clock)
Alice: Oh, it』s time to go back. I must go now.
Prince: Wait, princess, wait!
Alice(跑，掉一隻鞋)
Prince: (拿起鞋)Pretty princess!Why are you leaving? I must find you!
Soldiers!
Soldiers: Yes!
Prince: Take the shoe to every house. You must find the girl for me.
Soldiers: Yes, your highnesss!
第四場：
（士兵敲門）
Stepmother: What』s the matter, soldiers?
Soldier1: Are there any young girls in your family, madam?
Soldier2: The pretty princess lost her shoe in the palace.
Soldier3: The prince wants to find her and marry her.
Helen: Let me try.The shoe is mine.
Soldier1: No,it』s not yours. It』s too small for you.
Jenny: It』s mine. Let me try it.
Soldier2: No, it』s not yours, it』s too small for you.
Stepmother: Hi, come on, maybe it』s mine. Let me try it.
mso-charSoldier3:Oh, my god, it couldn』t be yours. Do you have another daughter?
Alice: Hello, gentlemen, may I try it?
Stepmother :You? Go away!
Helen: Look at yourself!
Jenny: So dirty and so ugly!
mso-charHead Soldier: No, ladies, let her try! Come, little girl, try it on,please!
mso-charAlice: Thank you! (試鞋)
mso-charSoldiers: Wonderful! It』s yours! It fits for you very well!
mso-charSoldier1:（Call prince）5535240
mso-charPrince: Hello, this is prince speaking!
mso-charSoldier1: Good news, your highnesss! We have found the
beautiful girl.
mso-charPrince: Really? That』s wonderfull! I』ll come at once.
mso-charFairy: My child, happy time is coming. Let me help you the
1last time.(變美麗)
mso-charPrince: Oh, my deariest princess, I love you, go with me and be my queen, OK?
mso-charAlice: OK!
mso-charStepmother and sisters: How did it happen?(昏倒)
mso-char旁白：The story finished. Alice found her happiness. Alice and
the prince lived happily ever after! And that brings us to the end of the play.
(善有善報，惡有惡報，善良的人終會有好報，灰姑娘最終找到了自己的幸福，與王子幸福地生活在一起！
檢舉 The Old Cat
An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.
Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."
意思就是：老貓
一位老婦有隻貓，這只貓很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了東西，因為它年紀太大了。一天，老貓發現一隻老鼠，它跳過去抓這只老鼠，然而，它咬不住這只老鼠。因此，老鼠從它的嘴邊溜掉了，因為老貓咬不了它。
於是，老婦很生氣，因為老貓沒有把老鼠咬死。她開始打這只貓，貓說：「不要打你的老僕人，我已經為你服務了很多年，而且還願意為你效勞，但是，我實在太老了，對年紀大的不要這么無情，要記住老年人在年青時所做過的有益的事情。」
T---Tiger F---Fox R---Rabbit B---Bird Fr---Frog B----Bear ( 狐假虎威)
Tiger: I』m a great tiger. I』m very strong. I』m very brave. I』m the king of the forest.But now I』m very hungry. I must find sth. to eat at once, or I』ll die immediately. Oh, there』s nothing here. And here is nothing, either. Oh, I want to have a rest. (Sleep soundly)
Fox: I』m a fox. You can see, I』m pretty and lovely. I』m good at cheating 0and telling lies. Just now I cheated a crew out of a piece of meat. Mm, Mm, Mm. How delicious it is!
Tiger: Ah, a fox. A good meal. Ah, a good meal.
Fox: Oh, my God! What should I do? Yes, I have a good idea. Yes, a good idea. Hello! Tiger sister! How are you?
Tiger: Not so good. I』m very hungry now. I want to eat you.
Fox: Oh, my dear! How dare you say that! I』m the king of the forest! I』m the king of the forest! If you want to eat me, I will let you die right now.
Tiger: She is the king. She is cheating me. I can』t belive her. I』m the king of the forest here.
Fox: If you don』t believe me, just follow me and see who is the king of the forest.
Tiger: Ok. Let』s go.
Rabbit: I』m a rabbit. I like to eat a turnip. Ah, a big turnip. Oh! It』s too hard. I can』t pull it out.
Bird: I』m a bird.
Rabbit: Hi!
Bird: Hi! What are doing here, Miss Rabbit? Can I help you?
Rabbit: Yes, please.
Frog: I』m a frog. Hello! What are you doing here? What can I do for you?
R&B: Yes, come on!
Frog : Ok! I』m coming!
Bear: I』m a big brown bear. Hello, everyone! What are you doing here?
R,B&F: Come on! Come on! Mr. Bear! You are so strong. Please come here. There is a big turnip. We are allpuling it out. Please come and help us.
Bear: Ok! I』m coming.
Fox: Hello, Bear!
Bear: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)
Fox: Hello, Frog!
Frog: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)
Fox: Hello, Bird!
Bird: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)
Fox: Hello, Rabbit!
Rabbit: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)
Fox: Tiger, Now, you see. They are so frightened! They all run away!
Tiger: Yes, you are right. It』s true. I』m very sorry. You are the king of the forest. That』s all right. I will run away. He is the king. He is the king.
Fox: Wa! There is a big turnip. Now, the turnip belongs to me.
⑻ 中學生英語相聲劇本2人加翻譯，急，在線等
相聲好歹也是中國的傳統文化，拿英語說就沒原來的味道了，就像不會有人拿英語唱京劇一樣。也許你需要的是像兩人對話的情景劇或者小笑話之類的，相聲還是算了吧。
⑼ 幽默的英語小品劇本 ~兩人的~允許有多角色 但是兩人 不沖突就好
守株待兔（英語短劇） 劇本
你可以自己調節角色~
（因為是搞笑，所以不必太拘謹。普通台詞意思對即可。）
[開始。樹）上台安靜地屹立到舞台較後方。導演（范冰）走到台前]
導演：Action！[跑下台]
[農夫冷酷地上。]
農夫：I』m a farmer.（稍停頓）[走兩步]A modern farmer.（掏出墨鏡戴上）[冷酷地走兩步，突然被絆了一跤，回頭生氣地踢了下絆自己的石頭，繼續保持冷酷]When I was yong,I studied in Nan~tong Middle School[掏出胸卡驕傲地展示給觀眾看，收起]！So I』m rich now！[開始展示名牌，邊說邊掏]Look！This is my modern mobile——Motorola WC 250！This is my Swatch!This my MP3!This is my shoes——ADI~DAS!This is… [不經意地掏出一個蘋果]Oh,sorry. And look at this![從懷里掏出癢癢撓] Do U know what』s this？癢癢撓？No no no~~It』s my modern——鋤頭~！！[看下錶]It』s time to do some farming！[開始彎下腰做出鋤地的動作，鋤了兩下，突然] Oh yes!I think farming should be combined with music![掏出MP3戴上，開始很有激情地邊鋤地邊唱]Farming farming,I』m farming!Farming should be combined with music~!Farming farming,I』m farming!Farming will be funny and easy~![邊唱邊鋤邊慢慢下台，把沒用的道具拿走，把有用的道具准備在口袋裡] [樹走上前台]
樹：I』m a tree!I can do many things!I can sing![做出瘋狂搖滾歌手的動作，邊做邊唱：哼哼哈西！！！]I can dance![跳四小天鵝]I』m tall!And I』m Strong!IF you hit me,you will 掛掉！Oh?There comes a rabbit! [引導觀眾看兔子A)。樹站回後台]
[兔子A上]
兔子A（一開始不知道狀況。以為自己扮演周傑倫，所以很熱情地上場跟觀眾打招呼）：Hey everybody,I』m Jay!I love U!I love Nantong![展示新專輯《十一月的肖邦》]Now let me sing one of my new songs to U！The name of the song is 《發如雪》！[清清嗓子正要唱，這時候導演（范冰）上]
導演：[拿手中紙筒狠狠打了下兔子A的頭]What are U doing?! Now U are a rabbit,understand?![兔子A：Sorry sorry sorry] [導演邊說邊奪過《十一月的肖邦》。導演下台之前，看了下《十》] What』s this?[看了看，驚喜地]Oh!It』s mine！（很興奮地拿著下場）
兔子A：OK,now I』m a rabbit. I just had my breakfast. Now I』m just walking around here. I think walking after meals is good for my health. [在場上轉圈，悠閑散步]
[農夫繼續鋤地，邊鋤邊上場，突然看見前面有個兔子]
農夫：（驚喜地）Lunch！[扔掉癢癢撓]I will catch it！ [偷偷摸摸地跟到兔子後面走]
[農夫跟在兔子後面。兩個人走啊走。兔子突然回頭。農夫假裝看手錶。兩人繼續走。兔子回頭。農夫假裝看天氣。兩人繼續走。兔子回頭。農夫假裝打手機。兩人繼續走，兔子回頭。這次農夫冷酷地把槍口對准了兔子。]
兔子A：Wahhhh~!（嚇一跳）What』s this！
農夫：Hnnnn…！I will kill U for lunch!
兔子A：But your gun… [幫農夫把槍頭調轉過來（農夫一開始把槍對著自己）]
農夫：Thank you!
兔子A：My pleasure. （突然想起來農夫要殺自己） Wah~~~~~~ [兔子跑，躲到樹後面，農夫追到樹前]
農夫：Where~ to go? Haha!
[農夫開了一槍「砰」。兔子在樹後驚慌躲閃，沒被打到。樹做出受傷中彈狀。 農夫又開槍，同上。 農夫開始加快頻率，火力密集地開槍。兔子開始時驚慌躲閃，躲著躲著跳起舞來。樹繼續痛苦中彈狀。]
兔子A[自我陶醉中，邊跳邊說]You didn』t hurt me! You didn』t hurt me！
樹：[痛苦萬分地]But…U…Hurt me….[痛苦地慢慢挪動到兔子背後]
[兔子繼續興奮地跳舞。農夫停止開槍，走到兔子面前，看著它。 兔子猛然抬頭發現]
農夫：Ah ha~! Bye bye ! [舉槍對准兔子，開槍，沒聲音，看看槍，示意沒子彈了。兔子見狀，非常興奮地大笑起來]
兔子A：Ha ha ha ha! You can』t kill me now！ [興奮大笑，笑到抽筋，笑到後仰。突然頭撞倒了後面的樹] Wa ！[兔子暈兩下~~ 「我倒！」 倒地]
農夫：OH! [很興奮地過去兩個手指提起兔子]My lunch , I caught you !!! [想一下] But I』m still full now.Let me tie it to the tree and have a sleep.I will eat it after sleeping.[把兔子綁到樹上。倒地睡到樹旁邊]
……
兔子A：[兔子很快醒了，看看四周，發現自己被綁了，很驚訝]Where am I? What happened?
樹：[指著農夫]He caught you and wanted to eat you.
兔子A：What?! I must leave here! But how can I escape？[東張西望，看到農夫的手機]
[兔子不知不覺地把樹杈移開，走到手機前看了看]咦？What』s this？[撿起來看]Oh,a mobile.[再看]It』s beautiful.[放回原處。 又自覺地把自己綁在樹上。 突然想起來]A mobile！Maybe I can call some one to help me！ [又不知不覺地把自己放出來，那起手機] But how to use it？？？
樹：[走上前]Let me tell U.Look,press this button![給兔子]
兔子A：Oh I see. [做出打電話的樣子] 喂？
李詠：[上台，激情澎湃地] Hello！This is lucky fifty-two！[做出幸運52的手勢]I』m Liyong！Now let』s start our first question！What』s the most probable relation between 康熙 and 雍正？ A. Husband and wife B.Teacher and student C.Waiter and costomer Answer me,please!
兔子A：（很冷漠地）Sorry， wrong number.[掛掉]
李詠：Answer me!Answer me! En..?喂？喂喂？[很郁悶地下台]
兔子A：Now let me call again.[撥打] 喂？
兔子B：喂？
兔子A：Hey Jackey！
兔子B：Hey tommy!
兔子A：How are you doing?
兔子B：Fine,thank you.And U?
兔子A：I』m fine too!How are your parents doing?
兔子B：They are fine,thank you.And U?
兔子A：They are fine,too!How is your uncle doing?
兔子B：He』s fine,thank you!And U?
兔子A：He』s fine , too!
兔子B：But why do you call me? If you want borrow some money from me…NO WAY!!!
兔子A：No no no!I』m in danger now!Come and help me!!!
兔子B：But where are you?
兔子A：I』m under a tree!
兔子B：[邊打電話邊在附近走，經過兔子A面前，兩個人還沒發現]What can you see around you?
兔子A：I see a rabbit ,rather like you!
兔子B：A rabbit…rather like me… OK! I』ll soon come!Wait for me! I will help you! [匆匆離開]
[兔子A 打完電話，小心翼翼地把手機放回農夫處，還很有禮貌地說了句「Thank you.」 然後又很自覺地把自己綁回了樹上]
兔子A：Hahaha!My friend will come and save me,yeah! [興奮過度，後仰，頭又撞倒樹上，昏眩中…「我暈！」 又暈了]
[兔子B上。]兔子B：I』m also rabbit！I』m clever! I』m brave ! And I』m strong! [展示肌肉] OH！My friend is here!Let me help him out! [費力地想把樹枝（雙臂）挪開，使了幾次勁，還是不行] It』s too tight! I must think of a good way! [看到農夫扔掉的癢癢撓] Let』s see,what』s this！A 鋤頭！[裝作打高爾夫球，試了試鋤頭手感]Oh,it』s nice.[走到樹面前，正要砍]
樹：Stop！！！What will you do?
兔子B：I will cut you down to save my friend.
樹：O. [突然醒悟] What?! Cut me down?! Teachers told us that we should protect the environment! Understand?!
兔子B：Oh yes！You are right! [扔掉鋤頭] I have to think of another idea! [想了想] Oh!![靈感突來][看了看手錶] Oh it』s time to do morning exercise ！Come on! [開始帶頭做早操。做著做著對樹說「Follow me！」 （企圖讓樹動起來，兩只手鬆開，這樣就可以救出兔子A）樹也開始跟著做起早操。 兔子B輕輕上前，想救出兔子A。但是樹的廣播操動作恰好都是會擋住營救的。兔子B狂汗… -_-b 廣播操畢。樹繼續綁著兔子A]
兔子B：Why?! Maybe I need another idea. Oh!I』v got it！Music！ [音響放起泰坦尼克號主題曲高潮前奏。 兔子B抱住樹，企圖引導樹像女主角一樣張開雙臂，放出兔子A。樹漸漸陶醉，手緩緩松開。兔子B正要搭救同伴，突然兔子A兩只手張開，成了女主角動作。樹又抱住了兔子A的腰，成了男主角動作。樹和A陶醉其中。B要喚醒A：「Wake up!Wake up!」
兔子A沉醉其中，完全不理它，還用腳踹走要救它的B：「Don』t disturb me！」繼續陶醉。]
兔子B：（無奈ing…）Stop！！！（音樂停） （沮喪）I can』t save my friend…[掏出紙巾想要擦汗，帶出10塊錢，掉在地上]
樹：Money！[一個箭步沖上去撿起錢，回到原位並且對著太陽驗鈔。]
兔子A：[看四周] I』m free!!!Oh yes,I』m free!Thank you,Jackey! [慢動作深情撲向兔子B] Jackey~~~~ [突然兔子B低頭系鞋帶。兔子A控制不住一下子撞在樹上，暈兩下說：「暴頭！」死翹。] [兔子B見狀沖上去，深情地摟住A：「Tommy!Tommy！」[傷心地俯下身子，緊緊抱住A]
[這時睡覺中的農夫突然一個翻身，又把B壓在了下面]
兔子B：I…can』t….breath……I』m dying!!!! [也翹了]
農夫：[農夫這時候醒了。擦了下口水，看見兩只兔子] En..?Two rubbits! I rememer I have caught just one?! Oh,maybe I drank too much.
[興奮地一手提一隻兔子，哼著小曲下場]
樹：[還在驗鈔的樹正在高興，突然發現是假鈔]A！It』s a fake！Wait for me！[追下去]
⑽ 英語相聲2人，要長，好笑，至少10分鍾
A: Good morning everyone, today I will play a short crosstalk with my partner„Where is him?
B (run up quickly, very tired): Good morning„ A: You are late! We are all waiting for you!
B: Oh, I am sorry, but it was an accident, I caught a car accident on my way here and I am still alive! A: What did you say? A car accident?
B: Yeah. At that time, I was riding my bike, then suddenly I found that my bike wasn』t under my control. I wanted to stop it but I didn』t see a bus on the right of me, then, then„that bus hit me and I fell down.
A (with the mouth open): A, a, a, a bus? You said a bus hit you?
B: Yes, it is true!
A: Didn』t you get hurt!
B: Of course I did not, because that bus was parking there! At that time, I told me I must be dead. I did not understand until someone shouted 「Do you want to take a free bus?」 A: Were there any passengers on it?
B: No, nobody...
A: Ok, that was good.
B: But the bus driver was on it, and he looked out of the
window and said: 「Look out, boy, it』s dangerous! Anyway, my bus do not carry bikes!」
A: You were lucky, but you have to know, there are also many moving buses„
B: You think I am stupid? Of course I know, and I also know, you will say: 「these moving buses are all dangerous„」, right?
A: I mean you have to be more careful. We leant much at school. Don』t you forget, you cannot ride a bike so fast, and they are also our school rules.
B: I know! I know this and that. I know to be careful, and I also know the traffic rules, just like I know how many fingers I have.
A: But I don』t think only to know some traffic rules is enough. If you only know them but not obey them, will you have to drive a tank to keep yourself safe from danger? B: I really want to tell you: I know that, I never ride my bike in the school, I never cross the road without seeing left and right, and I even give seats to the elderly on the bus! Is that ok?
A: You always do that?
B: Er, sometimes, but there are some other seats on the bus.
A: I mean, you are always obeying the traffic rules? B: Usually.
A: What do 「usually」 mean?
B: Sometimes I do not obey them... But not too often, that』s not a problem!
A: No, that』s a very big problem. I have a friend. He is really good. He does well in every subject. He is polite to everyone and he is „
B: Wait„
A: He is helpful. He always helps lost children„ B: Hey„
A: And sometimes he wants to„
B: Stop!
A: He doesn』t want to stop working hard, you have to know. B: Is it about our talking?
A: Oh, I forgot! OK, one day, he was on his way home. He saw the traffic lights red. But he wanted to go home quickly to do something important. Then a car hit him, and he stayed in hospital for half a year.
B: How terrible!
A: You said that』s not a problem. But do you really know, there are about 100, 000 Chinese died in traffic accidents. Every 5 minutes, one person died. And every minute, one person hurt himself and cannot live as a common man any more. Do they really know the importance of being careful with cars? Of course they know! But they just think like you. They do not think to be fast or to be careless for several times is a problem. But maybe just for one or two seconds faster, they lost their lives!
B: Is that true? That cannot be the fact!
A: Yes, and I also tell you, 20 percent of the accidents were on students.
B: How terrible! How can we protect ourselves?
A: We know many traffic rules, and all of us know how to do it. But when we are on the road, we forget them all! If we only know the rules but not to use them, they will be useless!
B: I understand that. We must not only know these traffic rules, but also use them. We must be careful every day, every time, because even a very small mistake can take our lives away.
A: That』s good, I am very happy that you know that. I hope more and more people can know that. And if we all know that, much fewer people will die in the accidents. There must be fewer and fewer accidents, too!
B: That』s all right. Let』s tell others about these and then, as you say, our world will be more beautiful.
A: OK! Let』s go!
B: Oh, wait a moment, I want to see that bus driver again. A: That bus driver? Why?
B: I know how to say to that rude bus driver.
A: What?
B: I will tell him: 「Your bus can carry a bike, but my bike cannot carry a bus! Be careful, Sir!」