英語搞笑劇本

⑴ 求一個搞笑英語話劇劇本（6人）

《孔雀東南飛》（英文搞笑話劇）
本文來自: 恆星英語學習網( 詳細出處參考：
焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)劉蘭芝Lunch(Lforshort)
焦母Johnny』smother(JMforshort)劉母Lunch』smother(LMforshort)
太守之子Mayor』sson(MSforshort)強盜Burglars(ABandC)
Prologue
(J作被打狀跑上台,內砸出一卷紙筒,J被打中,狼狽不堪)
J:EverybodysaysthatI』mhenpecked,butinfact,I』masstrongasatiger,(小聲)whilemy
wifeisWuSong.
(指著上台處的門大聲道)I』mnotafraidofyou!
(內砸出一臉盆,J接住當成盾牌護著頭)Then,I』mafraidofwhom?
-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,
.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender
thanme.Butsheisnot!!
(內又砸出一卷紙筒,擊中J)
MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)
Act1
(序幕結束時,JM作竊聽狀)
JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!
(對門內)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?
L(扎著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門內跳出來):I』mhere!What』supmum?
JM:I』「mymostbeautifulgracefuland
dearestmother-in-law」.
L:OK.-in-law,what』sup?
JM:.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so
lazy……
L:But……
JM:Neverinterruptme!
L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall
daylong,cookingandwashing.
and……
JM:!
L(生氣地揮動著鍋鏟):Oh,youwantagrandson,don』tyou?(開始解圍裙)Goandaskyour
son.I』mleaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在JM的臉上,下)

⑵ 搞笑英語話劇劇本

我們班剛演過 ，獲得了系裡一等獎(孔雀東南飛 英語搞笑劇本) 雖然人物多了一個，可以有群眾演員嘛

焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)
劉蘭芝lunch(lforshort)
焦母johnny』s mother(jmforshort)
劉母lunch』s mother(lmforshort)
太守之子mayor』sson(msforshort)
強盜burglars(abandc)

prologue 序幕

(j作被打狀跑上台,內砸出一卷紙筒,j被打中,狼狽不堪)
j:everybody says that i』m hen pecked, but in fact,i』m a strong tiger,(小聲)while my
wife is wusong.
譯：人人都說我怕老婆，實際上我是老虎，（小聲）我妻子是武松。

(指著上台處的門大聲道)i』m not afraid of you!
譯：我才不怕你呢！

(內砸出一臉盆,j接住當成盾牌護著頭)then, i』m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.she is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i donot care. i only want she to be tender than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!
譯：誰怕誰啊！在鄰里中，我妻子是最有名氣的。她比我勇敢、比我聰明、比我強壯。我也不在乎這些。我只覺得她該對我溫柔些，但是她卻不懂溫柔！有這樣的太太就像活在地獄中啊！

(內又砸出一卷紙筒,擊中j)
my god! who can help me?(下)
譯：我的天！誰來救救我啊？

act1 第一幕
(序幕結束時,jm作竊聽狀)
jm(拄拐棍上):i can!
(對門內)lunch! lunch! where are you?
l(扎著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門內跳出來):i』m here! what』s up ，mum?
jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me 「my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law」.
l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what』s up?

jm:since you married my son you have be havedso badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,so
lazy……
l:but……
jm:never interrupt me!
l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny,i have been working hard all
daylong,cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and cks and chicken
and……
jm:but all those you have done arenot asvaluable as a grandson!
l(生氣地揮動著鍋鏟):oh,you want a grandson,don』t you?(開始解圍裙)go and ask your son. i』m leaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在jm的臉上,下)

act2
(lm坐在台上打毛線,l拿著鍋鏟上)
l:mum, i』m back!
lm:you are back?why?what happened?
l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.
lm(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災樂禍的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted on
marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listen
to me. look at yourself……
l:but,mum……
lm:never interrupt me!
l:mum,i』m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? and
i』ll marry whomever you want me to.
lm(大喜):nice girl! just now, i met the mayor』s son in the market.he said:「if your daughter
haven』t been married,i really really want to marry her!」now you are free again, i 』ll go
and tell him.(下)
l(驚愕):what? the mayor』s son?the most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood? (手中的鍋
鏟掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)

act3
(j睡眼惺忪上)
j(邊走邊道):lunch! lunch! where are mysocks?
(走了幾步,在地上撿起襪子)here they are!(聞一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty!
(突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起來)oh,i』m so hungry! but there』s no breakfast!(撿起地上的圍
裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! now
she has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.
jm(上):where』s my breakfast? where』slunch?hasn』t she got up yet?
j:mum, can』t you remember?lunch has gone!
jm(沉吟片刻):well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is suseless. lunch is an ice
girl,go and take her back!
j(立正敬禮):yes madam!

act4
(j開心地走著，忽然跳出來三個強盜)
a:hey you!stop and listen to us!
the road is built by me!(抬腳重重地踩在一塊大石頭上)
b:and i planted one tree!(亦抬腳踩在同一塊石頭上)
c:if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石頭，但踩到了a的腳)
ab&c:give us all your money!
j(搜遍了每一個口袋，掏出1角硬幣):is 1mao enough?
(三強盜暈倒狀，接著三人聚在一邊商量)
a:what bad luck! this guy is broken!
b:if we cannot robany money today,we will havenot thing to eat tonight!
c:i heard that the mayor』s son is going to marry miss liulan next month.we can go and
rob the wedding!
a&b:good idea!
j(驚訝):what? what? lunch is going to get married? it』s impossible!
ab&c:why? a pretty girl and a richman,what a good couple!
j:but lunch is my wife! we haven』t got divorced yet!
(突然有了主意)i』ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don』tyou? i』ll go
with you. you take the money and i take the bride.
b:have you got any experience?
j:no. but i』ve got this!(j脫下鞋子從裡面摸出一張支票，上書＄1，000，000)

act5
(轉眼已到了婚禮之期．ms意氣風發用紅綢牽著新娘上，j蓋著紅蓋頭極不情願地被拉上台)
(j和三強盜躍至台中)
abc&j:hey you! stop and listen to us!
a:the road is built by me!
b:and i planted one tree.
c:if you want to go by this street---
j:give us all your money!
(l聽到j的聲音，掀起了蓋頭)
l(驚喜萬分):johnny!(不顧一切地飛奔到j的身邊並躲到了的身後)
(ms大怒，揮拳向j打來．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身後的l，l暈倒)
j(火冒三丈):how dare you beat my wife!（揮拳向ms沖去）
(j與ms混戰，jm上，以拐杖擊暈ms)
(j將ms胸前的新郎標志扯下戴在自己胸前)
j(扶起l，關切地問):honey, how are you?
l(哭狀):i hurt a lot!
j:don』t cry baby.i』ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)
l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)

⑶ 英語搞笑小品劇本

Characters: Narrator(N), Salesman(S), Dad(D), Maggie(M), Alice(A), Candy(C), Policeman(P)
Preparation: 學校布景，做糖果用桌及相關材料，小販家布景

Scene1（At Salesman』 home）

N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!
S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I』m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don』t know why. The foolish students always come here. I』ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……
Oops! It』s time to make candies now.(看錶)
First, put the flour on the table.
Then, water, sugar, flour.(邊說邊做)
Now press, press……
Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(滿不在意的神情)
Press, press……
Oh, my god!(鼻涕)Never mind! Just do it!
Press, press, the children will not know it , it』s OK,hehehe……
Now let me cut it into pieces!
One, two, three, four, five……（用臟菜刀）
Wow, everything is ready!
糖果鑽出來（跳舞），跳完後，非常難過地說：Oh, I』m so dirty and ugly! What can I do? The students will eat me! And they will be ill! Wuwuwu…
S: Mmmm…It looks dirty, let me give you a nice coat! (給它穿上) Wow! Now it』s so beautiful! Haha……
C: Oh, no! Don』t sell me! I』m dirty!(拖糖果下場)

Scene2（At the school gate）

N: The next day, when the class is over, all the students come out happily and the salesman goes to the school gate as usual. （Maggie和Alice 歡快地跑出校門，看到小販）
(小販拉著糖上場，吆喝)：Candies! Candies! Sweet candies! ……
M: Oh, Alice! Look! Candies!
A: Yeah! I think they are yummy!
M: Let』s ask him.
A: OK!
C: Don』t buy me！（非常焦急）
M&A: Why?
C: I』m dirty！
M: No, you look nice!
C: What can I do? (面向觀眾) Wuwuwu…(小販將她拉在後面)
S: Candies! Candies!（引誘兩個女孩）
M&A: How much are they?
S: Do you have money?（輕蔑）
M&A: Money?(對視)

M:Oh, I』ve no money!（失落之極）
A: Me too.
S: No money? So sorry!(吆喝著走開，下場)
M: What can we do now?
A: Let』s ask dad for money.
M: But how to ask?
A: How?…Oh,I know ,let』s make him happy ,and he will give us money.（自信）
M: Good idea!(全部下場)

Scene 3:（At Maggie』s home）

N: The children have to go home and ask dad for some money, and they know their father is good at playing guitar, so they will do something clever. (爸爸看報)
M: Dad,dad,let』s sing a song ,OK? (同時Alice去取吉他准備拿給爸爸)
A: And play the guitar for us!
M: We know you play so well!
(爸爸詫異地看著孩子)
D: Oh? What a bright day today!
M&A: Please, dad!(哀求)
D:OKOK! Let』s.
(取吉他，開始准備)D: Which song do you like? How about Edelweiss?
M&A: Of course!
(開始彈，第一段孩子隨節奏起舞，第二段孩子開始輕聲討論起來「you first」之類的話，爸爸停止彈琴。)
D: What』s the matter?
M: Dad, we have no money!
A: Can we have some please?
D: I think you have lots of pocket money ,and you don』t need any more.
M:I want to buy some candies at the school gate.
A: They look so sweet and nice!
M: Other students always buy them!
D: But……You can』t ! They are quite unhealthy. Please go and do your homework..(置之不理，轉頭看報，孩子回到房間)
M: What shall we do now?
A: Let me think …well, I know!(輕聲在Maggie耳邊說)
M: Oh, you are so clever! Let』s go.(回到爸爸身邊)
M: Dad, I want a new eraser!
A: I want a longer ruler!
M&A: Dad, please！
D: Things are expensive these days. We have to save money!
M: But dad, my eraser is too small now!(拿出破橡皮來給爸爸看)
A: And my ruler is broken.（拿出斷尺）
D: OK, children. I believe you this time, make sure, don』t buy the food at the school gate. It』s unhealthy! Do you know?
M&A: Yes, sir!
D: Here you are !( 給錢)
M&A: Thanks very much, dad! Bye!(非常高興，下場)

N: The next day, when the class is over ,Maggie and Alice come to the salesman again. They are happy to buy the candies and then have them, but soon they feel a stomachache.
(孩子高興地買了糖，邊吃邊回家，小販下場，孩子到家後肚子痛)
M: Aiyo!……（兩人躬著背進場）
A: …….
D: What』s wrong?
M: I』ve a stomachache!
A: Me too!
D: What did you eat? The food at the school gate?
M: Yes. We had some candies just now.
A: I had some too!
D: Oh! You』ve cheated me! You bought the candies instead of the eraser and ruler. I always tell you that don』t buy the food at the school gate, they are unhealthy!（生氣）
M: But they look nice!
A: And tastes good!
M&A: Aiyo……
D:Well, Let』s go to the salesman together and have a look!
M&A: OK.

Scene 4: (At the school gate)

N: When they get to the school gate, a policeman is asking the salesman to go away.
(正走到校門口，發現警察驅趕校門口的小販)
P: Hey! You shouldn』t stay here, leave now!
C: Let』s go home, let』s go home! (輕聲並拉小販)
S: No! My candies are nice and popular here! And…
C: You are telling a lie! I』m very dirty and unhealthy!
M&A: Dad, it』s him! Aiyo…（指著小販）
D: He?
(警察走過來問爸爸，朝小孩)
P: What』s the matter with them?
D: They got a stomachache after having his candies.
S: Really? But I』ve never heard of it. And……
P: Stop, stop!(打斷小販) Look at the two girls! Are you guilty? You must be honest with the students, and don』t sell candies any more.（非常嚴厲）
S: OK. I know. (羞愧)
C: Let』s go home. Let』s go home.
Policeman(對小孩): Girls, please listen! Don』t buy the candies next time. They are bad for your health.
D: Yes, he is right. And you shouldn』t tell a lie to me. Try to be an honest person! Will you?
M&A: OK, dad!
P: Let』s take them to the hospital now.
D: OK, Let』s go.
N（出場）: A few days later, the girls recovered. And this story is trying to tell you that some of the phenomenon must be kept down, we hope it could be improved soon. What』s more, we also hope students themselves can be honest and all the salesmen can be honest as well

⑷ 跪求英語六人搞笑劇本

On The Way Home回家的路上
Six high school students are walking on their way home, talking, laughing, ...
六個高中生走在回家的路上,一邊聊天,一邊笑.
A: hey, guys, what are you going to do when you get home?
喂,哥們,你們放學後干什麼啊?
B: I'm going to watch the soccer game replay.My parents won't let me watch in the early morning.I'm so mad at them.
我要看足球重播.我爸媽不讓我大清早起來看.我還在生他們的氣呢.
All:(sing)If you're mad and you know it stamp your feet(everybody stamps his feet)
大夥(唱) 如果你知道你生氣你就跺跺你的腳(跺腳)
C: I think I'm going to get something to eat first. I'm so hungry.
我一回家就要找吃的.餓死我了.
ALL:(Sing) If you're hungry and you know it touch your tummy,mmm...(everybody toches his tummy)
大夥(唱)如果你知道你餓了你就摸摸你的肚皮(摸肚皮)
A:(to D) what about you?
A(對D說) 你呢?
D:(pretend to yawn)I can't wait to lie down on my sofa. I'm so sleepy.(yawn again)
D:(裝打哈欠)我恨不得馬上躺在沙發上.真困!(打哈欠)
All except E:(sing)If you're sleepy and you know it take a nap(pretend to take a nap while yawning)
大夥E除外:(唱)如果你知道你困了你就打個盹(打盹)
all of a sudden, A realizes E is nowhere to be found.
突然,A 意識到E不見了.
A:(to F)E,where is E?
A(對F說) E, F 呢?
F: I have no idea. He was with us one minute ago.
不知道呀.剛才還在啊.
Eeverybody turns around looking for E.
大夥四處尋找E
B: Look! there he is! (pointing )
在那! 他在那!(手指遠處)
C: oh oh, he is with a stray dog.
不好了,他和一個流浪狗在一起.
D: I know he likes dogs.
他喜歡狗.
F: but that dog looks mean.
但那狗樣子很兇唉.
A: we』d better tell him to stay away from that mean looking dog.
我們快叫他別理那狗.
Everybody: (shouting) E! Come back! Come Back!
大夥(大聲叫)E! 回來!回來!
B: Oh my god! He is bleeding!
天啊!他流血了!
D: The dog bit him!
他被狗咬了!
F: Hurry up!
快過去看看!
Everybody runs to E. E moans in pain.(pretend moaning)
大夥跑過去.E 疼痛地叫著(裝疼叫)
ALL: (to E)are you all right?
你怎麼樣?
E: (shakes his head and keeps moaning)
(搖頭,疼叫)
A: let』s call for help!
快叫救護.!
All: help! Help!
有人被狗咬了!有人被狗咬了!
They can not find any help nearby.
附近沒有人.
B: Let me carry him to the hospital.
我背他去醫院吧!
All: let』s go!
走!
B picks up E and carries him on his back.
B 背起E.

They go to the hospital.
他們朝醫院走去.
The End
劇終
不知道你們會不會唱那首歌」If you』re happy and you know it」, 如果不會就照讀好了.唱歌的話效果會好些.

⑸ 英語搞笑小品劇本（要簡單點）

12分鍾好象有點長，我這里有我參加「星星火炬英語風采大賽」的劇本。參考一下額
Time ancient times. Character Mister Dongguo, wolf, hunter, old
apricot tree, Lao Niu, old farmer." In wilderness the mist and st is
billowing, shouts the acoustic shock day. In shouted that, " fight wolves!pursues (a wolf belt arrow wound to go on stage)
wolf: I originally am
come from the north wolf, but in today the arrow was injured (wolf
lamely to run) [ Mister Dongguo to carry on the book pouch, on the one
hand walks on the other hand self-effacingly recites poetry.)
Guo: From a pot of wine among the flowers
I drank alone. There was no one with me --
Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon
To bring me my shadow and make us three.

(Between the flower a pot liquor, drinks alone without the intimate.
Raises glass invites the bright moonlight, becomes three people to the
shade) (suddenly to discover on road crowd of ants, heart of the
mercy, has lifted a foot does not enre to lay down)
Guo: (Reads)
walks not injuries the cricket 蟻命 manner to have to have the mercy
heart (cautiously to bypass ant, after continues to lead the way)
(field shout big quake)
Guo: What happened next? The United States
military has joined battle with Iraq? (Wolf runs has come up) the
wolf: The alt saves a life, behind had a hunter to have to peel my
skin, rescued me!
Guo: Good good, is the person to want to be sincere
(was saying behind, dismounts the package, all but actually came out
the inside book)
Guo: You first hide in this package (wolf lamely
sneak in package) (Mister Dongguo to carry book pouch, continues to
walk) (on hunter) the hunter asks
Guo: Ask scholar's, has seen the
wolf which was injured to pass a moment ago?
Guo: Not.
Hunter: Thanks
gentleman. After (under hunter) (waits hunter to walk far, Mister
Dongguo put wolf from book pouch has gotten down)

Guo: The hunter walked, you in a big hurry escape the
wolf: Is
not I does not want to walk, I really am tired hungry
Guo: What then
you do want to eat?
Wolf: I must eat your meat! ! (Reveals fierce and antagonistic
expression)
Guo: Why then you do want to eat me? I have graciousness
and you

Wolf: Because you me stuffily in book pouch too long
Guo:
Really is the good intention not good newspaper. Is not good, I must
go ask the person to figure out! (Said, brings wolf to go) (to walk to
an old tree under)
Guo: Sets up eldest sister, I rescued the wolf, the
wolf have actually had to eat me. You to me comment this principle!
Tree: Should eat! (Wolf self-satisfied has smiled) the tree: Your
humanity endlessly cutted the piece of trees, continually our these old trees do
not let off, burns us with the fire. Why can't the wolf eat you? Ate
you to be able few indivial to damage the nature (under old tree,
wolf slowly approached Mister Dongguo) (by now on cow)
Guo: Holds on a minute, lets me ask Niu eldest brother Guo: Eldest
brother Niu, my good intention has rescued this wolf, now it actually
must eat me. Should you said? Cow: This! Our Lao Niu gives birth to
must do this for your humanity to do that, drinks or our milk. But we
only eat the worst fodder every day, rest the worst cowshed, you also
had to dig up our cowhide to make money. The old wolf should eat you.
Wolf: (Sneers). Looked you also have any flattery (under cow) (on
farmer) Guo: And so on one and so on, the distant place has come an
old farmer. Asks him to figure out, if he said you should eat me, I
have complied with. Wolf: Good, I give you last the opportunity. Guo:
The old uncle, I has rescued this wolf, it actually ungratefully must
eat me. You said this makes sense? The farmer asks the wolf: Why did
you want to eat your savior? Wolf: He too has been stuffily long me in
the book pouch, almost suffocates me (farmer to take up book pouch,
about about looks at) the farmer: Was this book pouch such small, how
many installs the book all not to be able to install, how installed
under you? Or you demonstrate to me have a look? Wolf: The
demonstration (said on the demonstration, earth-boring auger has
leisurely gone in) the farmer to settle on the time, grips tightly the
book pouch mouth, ties up with the string. The wolf on is stranded in
the inside farmer: Silly scholar, the wild animal eventually is a wild
animal, could not change natural disposition. Is the person surely not
to be able to be excessively benevolent! Guo: (Nod name is) indeed
indeed, declines office e to old age the uncle to teach the farmer:
Then the present, we "solved" it (say. Two people treat the book pouch
to pummel, the farmer also uses the hoe to pound the wolf. The wolf
sends out the sorrowful bugle call in inside, one could not not then
have the sound of something astir) (farmer and Mister Dongguo shook
hand, separates from each other)

The curtain falls, all actor goes on stage.
時間 古代。
人物 東郭先生、狼 、獵人、老杏樹，老牛、老農。」
荒野中煙塵滾滾，喊聲震天。
內喊：「打狼啊，追啊
（一狼帶箭傷上場，）
狼：我本是一隻來自北方的狼，無奈今天中箭受了傷
（狼一瘸一拐跑下）
〔東郭先生背著書囊上，邊走邊搖頭晃腦地念詩。）
郭： From a pot of wine among the flowers
I drank alone. There was no one with me --
Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon
To bring me my shadow and make us three.
（花間一壺酒，獨酌無相親。舉杯邀明月，對影成三人）
（忽然發現路上一群螞蟻，頓起慈悲之心，已舉起的一隻腳不忍放下）
郭： （念）走路莫傷螻蟻命
為人要有慈悲心
（小心翼翼地繞過螞蟻，繼續前行）
（後場喊聲大震，）
郭：又發生了什麼事？美軍又與伊拉克交戰了嗎？
（狼跑過上來）
狼：大人救命，後面有個獵人要剝了我的皮，救救我吧！
郭：好吧好吧，做人要厚道
（說著，卸下背後的包，把裡面的書都倒了出來）
郭：你先躲在這個包里吧
（狼一瘸一拐地鑽進包里）
（東郭先生背著書囊，繼續走）
（獵人上，）
獵人問郭： 請問秀才，剛才看見一隻受傷的狼過去了嗎？
郭：沒有啊。
獵人：謝謝先生。
（獵人下）
（待獵人走遠後，東郭先生把狼從書囊里放了下來）

郭：獵人已走，你快快逃命去吧
狼：不是我不想走，我實在是又累又餓
郭：那你要吃什麼？
狼：我要吃你的肉！！（露出兇狠表情）
郭：那你為何要吃我？我有恩與你

狼：因為你把我悶在書囊里太久了
郭：真是好心沒好報。不行，我要去找人評理！
（說完，帶著狼向前去）
（走到一棵老樹下）郭：樹大姐，我救了狼，狼卻要吃我。你給我評評這個理！
樹：該吃！
（狼得意的笑了）
樹：你們人類無休止地亂砍亂伐，連我們這些老樹也不放過，用火來燒我們。狼為什麼不能吃你呢？吃了你就能少個人來禍害大自然了
（老樹下，狼慢慢逼近東郭先生）
（這時牛上了）
郭： 且慢，讓我去問問牛大哥
郭：牛大哥，我好心救了這只狼，現在它卻要吃我。你說該不該？
牛：該！我們老牛生下來就要為你們人類干這干那，喝的還是我們的奶。可我們每天只吃最差的草料、睡最差的牛棚，你們還要扒了我們的牛皮去賺錢。老狼該吃你。
狼：（冷笑）。看你還有什麼好說的
（牛下）（農夫上）
郭：等一等，遠處來了一位老農夫。找他評理，要是他說你該吃了我，我就遵從。
狼：好，我就給你最後一次機會。
郭：老伯，我救了這只狼，它卻忘恩負義地要吃我。你說這有道理嗎？
農夫問狼：你為何要吃了你的救命恩人？
狼：他把我悶在書囊里太久了，差點悶死我
（農夫拿起書囊，上下左右看了看）
農夫：這書囊這么小，裝書都裝不了多少，怎麼裝的下你？要不你示範給我看看？
狼：示範就示範
（說完，慢慢悠悠地鑽了進去）
農夫看準時間，把書囊口扎緊，用繩子綁好。狼就被困在裡面了
農夫：傻秀才啊，野獸終究是野獸，改不了本性的。做人千萬不能過分仁慈！
郭：（點頭稱是）的確的確，多謝老伯教誨
農夫：那麼現在，我們就把它「解決了吧」
（說罷。兩人對著書囊拳打腳踢，農夫還用鋤頭砸狼。狼在裡面發出哀號聲，不一會便沒了動靜）
（農夫與東郭先生握了握手，分道揚鑣）

幕落，全體演員上場。
劇本是我自己寫的，希望給你幫上忙啊

⑹ 比較搞笑的英語劇本，原創

是誰把100服務小姐逼成這樣的？？？？100服務台小姐：先生晚上好，請問有什麼可以幫你的嗎？ 外軌：shouji沒電了，自動關機了，請問現在幾點了？ 100服務台小姐：（暈）那先生您怎麼給我打的 外軌：我的shouji自動關機一樣可以撥打dianhua，只是看不到時間 100服務台小姐：（暈）先生現在是凌晨點分？請問還有什麼可以幫你的嗎？ 外軌：哦 ！這么晚了你怎麼還不睡覺. 100服務台小姐：（暈）對不起先生，這是我的工作，請問你還有什麼事嗎？ 外軌：沒事就不可以打dianhua了嗎？ 100服務台小姐：對不起先生，我不是這個意思 外軌：為什麼給你們打dianhua是的？為什麼給其他人打dianhua是收的？ 100服務台小姐：先生。這是我們對顧客的一種高質量服務，我們本著顧客是上帝的宗旨，所以打我們客服dianhua是不需要收的. 外軌：那上帝餓了.我把我家地址給你.你來我家給我做點吃的好不好.. 100服務台小姐：先生對不起，我們沒有這項服務 外軌：你們對上帝的服務還挑三揀四嗎？ 100服務台小姐：先生對不起，我們只對客戶提出的業務方面問題所做解答。請問現在還有什麼問題嗎？ 外軌：我不是不講理的人。這樣你回答我個問題，回答正確我就不糾纏你了 100服務台小姐：（**）請您講 外軌：第一。萬里長征一共走了多少里 100服務台小姐：萬千里吧 外軌：第二，參加人數多少人 100服務台小姐：萬千人吧 外軌：還懂點歷史，最後一個問題，他們都叫什麼名字？ 100服務台小姐：................................................. 外軌：拒絕回答上帝的問題，我會投訴你的 100服務台小姐：對不起先生，我真的不知道 外軌：這么簡單的問題都回答不上來，你對工作的態度很不認真，而且還有抵觸情緒 100服務台小姐：（哭）這。這。這個簡單嗎？這樣吧先生。喔 對了 我目前上的ABC天卞英語的老師才和我提過，其實要掌握好英語是不難的！堅持需要個恰當的學習情境跟闇練口語對象，最關鍵就是外教水平 口語純正才可以 持續每天口語溝通 1對1家教式教學就有很.好.的學習效果！上完課同樣要復習聽取課程錄音音頻，幫助加強記憶；如果真的無對象可練習的環境 只能到 VOA或BBC獲得課外學習資料研習 多說、多練、多問、多聽、多讀，迅速的語感就培養起來 學習成長應該可以迅速明顯的；我也給你出個問題，不知道有興趣回答下嗎？ 外軌：說來聽聽 100服務台小姐：00年奧運會是在什麼地方舉行的！ 外軌：北京，下一個問題 100服務台小姐：那請問先生開幕式是幾月幾號？ 外軌：月號。如果下一個問題你敢問我開幕式時看台上所有人的姓名，我還會投訴你 100服務台小姐：（狂哭）先生把你的地址給我吧，我去給你做飯。。。。 .

⑺ 急求搞笑的英語話劇劇本

荊珂刺秦王搞笑英語話劇劇本
旁白(Aside )/介紹（Introction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, 「Yingzheng」. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
太子丹（上，掏出鏡子梳頭，做自戀狀）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (畫外音：It』s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高興狀) Thank u mirror! （面對觀眾） I』m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
阿三(畢恭畢敬) : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I』ve told you again and again that you should call me 「my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan」!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作殺狀）
太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世紀最需要的是什麼，人才！這句話要跟觀眾交流，最好由觀眾來回答，然後拍阿三肩膀，做贊許狀） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.
Action II
（《十面埋伏》中劉德華&金成武決斗時的音樂）
荊軻
Are you Li mochou?
李莫愁
Yes.
荊軻
OK. I』m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers』 world.
李莫愁
Are you challenging me?
荊軻
Off course! 聳聳肩表示同意
李莫愁
Come on!
音樂起
兩人沖上前來
「人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，兩刀砍死你啊。。。。」
李莫愁倒地
荊軻大笑
李莫愁痛苦狀：What happened? Why aren』t you hurt?
荊軻: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （贏一個人需要理由么，不需要麼，需要麼？）
李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.
荊軻再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to 「How are you」?
荊柯：Sure!
太子丹：How are you?
荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹暈倒
荊柯：Hey, man, I』m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I』m kidding too!（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name card, please?
荊軻從兜里掏出一卷紙，上面寫著：
To be or not to be, that's a question.
阿三：Hero，we need your help.
荊柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荊柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荊柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三(手指上場的美女，激動狀): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
荊柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What』s the TCM?
荊柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn』t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
阿三：Excuse me? What』s the TCM?
觀眾甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new proct of Unilever China.
荊柯（激動）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn』t rece my weight.
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I』m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？難道你真的想要嗎……
（《No matter》音樂起，荊軻先與阿三跳探戈，擁入懷中，又甩出去，阿三做嘔吐狀。然後荊軻與太子丹跳倫巴，最後太子丹擺一個女性化的造型，向後彎腰並抬其中一條腿，荊軻做調戲狀。）
荊柯(誠懇狀) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
太子丹與阿三（撞胯，擊掌）Yeah!
Action Ш
（《大話西遊》主題曲響起）
荊珂挽著妻子，太子丹,阿三在後.
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
荊珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
（太子丹，阿三下。停頓。《泰坦尼克號》主題曲起，荊軻與妻子做Jack和rose在船頭的經典造型，忽然荊軻看到一個美女——此時一個中國古典美女經過，向荊軻拋媚眼，並拋下定情手絹。荊軻高興的盯著美女看，妻子發覺不對，扭過頭來。）
荊珂（急忙收斂）：Darling, I love you.
妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救贖》）
荊珂(流淚) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都會愛著你，選自《飄》)
妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.
荊珂（欲走還留，執子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克號沉船時，Jack對Rose的傾訴）.
妻子:"I promise."
荊軻:"Never let go. 「
妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荊軻的發音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克號》的台詞。）
妻子努力擠出幾滴眼淚，
荊珂上船，漸漸遠去
妻子：It』s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……
妻子(掏出手機撥號，阿三接手機)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
阿三：Okay okay!
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.
想要更多網路消息說

⑻ 急求英語搞笑話劇劇本，要有翻譯

焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)

劉蘭芝lunch(lforshort)

焦母johnny』s mother(jmforshort)

劉母lunch』s mother(lmforshort)

太守之子』sson(msforshort)

強盜burglars(abandc)

prologue 序幕

(j作被打狀跑上台,內砸出一卷紙筒,j被打中,狼狽不堪)

j:everybody says that i』m hen pecked, but in fact,i』m a strong tiger,(小聲)while my

wife is wusong.

譯：人人都說我怕老婆，實際上我是老虎，（小聲）我妻子是武松。

(指著上台處的門大聲道)i』m not afraid of you!

譯：我才不怕你呢！

(內砸出一臉盆,j接住當成盾牌護著頭)then, i』m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.she is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i donot care. i only want she to be tender than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!

譯：誰怕誰啊！在鄰里中，我妻子是最有名氣的。她比我勇敢、比我聰明、比我強壯。我也不在乎這些。我只覺得她該對我溫柔些，但是她卻不懂溫柔！有這樣的太太就像活在地獄中啊！

(內又砸出一卷紙筒,擊中j)

my god! who can help me?(下)

譯：我的天！誰來救救我啊？

act1 第一幕

(序幕結束時,jm作竊聽狀)

jm(拄拐棍上):i can!

(對門內)lunch! lunch! where are you?

l(扎著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門內跳出來):i』m here! what』s up ，mum?

jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me 「my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law」.

l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what』s up?

jm:since you married my son you have be havedso badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,so

lazy……

l:but……

jm:never interrupt me!

l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny,i have been working hard all

daylong,cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and cks and chicken

and……

jm:but all those you have done arenot asvaluable as a grandson!

l(生氣地揮動著鍋鏟):oh,you want a grandson,don』t you?(開始解圍裙)go and ask your son. i』m leaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在jm的臉上,下)

act2

(lm坐在台上打毛線,l拿著鍋鏟上)

l:mum, i』m back!

lm:you are back?why?what happened?

l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.

lm(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災樂禍的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted on

marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listen

to me. look at yourself……

l:but,mum……

lm:never interrupt me!

l:mum,i』m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? and

i』ll marry whomever you want me to.

lm(大喜):nice girl! just now, i met the mayor』s son in the market.he said:「if your daughter

haven』t been married,i really really want to marry her!」now you are free again, i 』ll go

and tell him.(下)

l(驚愕):what? the mayor』s son?the most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood? (手中的鍋

鏟掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)

act3

(j睡眼惺忪上)

j(邊走邊道):lunch! lunch! where are mysocks?

(走了幾步,在地上撿起襪子)here they are!(聞一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty!

(突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself.

(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起來)oh,i』m so hungry! but there』s no breakfast!(撿起地上的圍

裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! now

she has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.

jm(上):where』s my breakfast? where』slunch?hasn』t she got up yet?

j:mum, can』t you remember?lunch has gone!

jm(沉吟片刻):well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is suseless. lunch is an ice

girl,go and take her back!

j(立正敬禮):yes madam!

act4

(j開心地走著，忽然跳出來三個強盜)

a:hey you!stop and listen to us!

the road is built by me!(抬腳重重地踩在一塊大石頭上)

b:and i planted one tree!(亦抬腳踩在同一塊石頭上)

c:if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石頭，但踩到了a的腳)

ab&c:give us all your money!

j(搜遍了每一個口袋，掏出1角硬幣):is 1mao enough?

(三強盜暈倒狀，接著三人聚在一邊商量)

a:what bad luck! this guy is broken!

b:if we cannot robany money today,we will havenot thing to eat tonight!

c:i heard that the mayor』s son is going to marry miss liulan next month.we can go and

rob the wedding!

a&b:good idea!

j(驚訝):what? what? lunch is going to get married? it』s impossible!

ab&c:why? a pretty girl and a richman,what a good couple!

j:but lunch is my wife! we haven』t got divorced yet!

(突然有了主意)i』ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don』tyou? i』ll go

with you. you take the money and i take the bride.

b:have you got any experience?

j:no. but i』ve got this!(j脫下鞋子從裡面摸出一張支票，上書＄1，000，000)

act5

(轉眼已到了婚禮之期．ms意氣風發用紅綢牽著新娘上，j蓋著紅蓋頭極不情願地被拉上台)

(j和三強盜躍至台中)

abc&j:hey you! stop and listen to us!

a:the road is built by me!

b:and i planted one tree.

c:if you want to go by this street---

j:give us all your money!

(l聽到j的聲音，掀起了蓋頭)

l(驚喜萬分):johnny!(不顧一切地飛奔到j的身邊並躲到了的身後)

(ms大怒，揮拳向j打來．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身後的l，l暈倒)

j(火冒三丈):how dare you beat my wife!（揮拳向ms沖去）

(j與ms混戰，jm上，以拐杖擊暈ms)

(j將ms胸前的新郎標志扯下戴在自己胸前)

j(扶起l，關切地問):honey, how are you?

l(哭狀):i hurt a lot!

j:don』t cry baby.i』ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)

l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)

⑼ 【英語小品劇本】

SW-白雪公主 Q-皇後 M-魔鏡 H-獵人P-白馬王子 D-小矮人 音樂起，旁白 A long time ago, In a beautiful kingdom, there lived a young king and queen, the people loved them so much; the queen died while giving birth to a girl, her name was Snow White, She was a beautiful princess. Year passed, the king got married again, The people didn』t love the new queen, because she was cruel. One day, In the king』s palace: ----白雪出場 S.w: My name is Snow white , I am a beautiful princess, I miss my mother so much, Where is my mother ? Where is my mother ? 音樂起，皇後、魔鏡出場 Q: I am a queen , I』m very beautiful , Where is Mirror ? Mirror , Mirror on the wall , who』s the most beautiful ? M: Snow white is much more beautiful than you ! Q: Hunter, go kill Snow white . 獵 人 出 場 H: Yes, my queen 音樂起，獵人追趕白雪，公主驚慌出逃 S.w: Help me ,help me, please, please ! 白雪順利脫逃後 S.w: I am tried and hungry, oh, there is a little house , I will eat a little and lie down. 音樂起，7個小矮人出場， D: 1\Look, somebody ate my food---- 2\Somebody drank my water---- 3\Someone is sleeping now---- 4\What a beautiful girl!---- 小矮人睡覺----音樂起公主先醒了----小矮人醒了----對話 5\How do you do? S.w: How do you do? My name is Snow white … Nice to meet you! D:（齊說）Nice to meet you ,too---- 6\ welcome to our house!---- 7\Would you like to live here? S.W: My pleasure, thank you very much! D: Let』s go out for our work, bye-bye, Snow white. 皇後、魔鏡出場 Q: Mirror, mirror on the wall , who』s the most beautiful? M: Snow white is much more beautiful than you! Q: What ? Snow white is not dead ? Hahaha, I got a good idea! 音樂起，皇後扮演老太太出場，對話 Q: Apple ,apple, beautiful apple, S.w: Hello, Good morning grandma! Q: pretty girl ,would you like a bite? S.w: Oh, yes ,thank you grandma! 白雪公主咬一口後倒地 Q: The girl is dead! Hahaha… 小矮人出場、圍著公主哭 Snow white wake up, wake up… 音樂起，小矮人引著王子出場 P: A beautiful girl! She shall be my queen! 王子喚醒公主，公主醒了 P：Wake up ! Wake up , my queen ! S.w: Thank you for your help ! P: My pleasure ! 音樂起，小矮人、公主、王子跳起歡快的舞

⑽ 急！！！求英語搞笑短劇劇本。

英語搞笑短劇劇本 AprilFool'sDayN: Many years ago, on April 1, a body had birth. His father called him "foolman", nobody like him except his mother. How time flies!F: Mum, I'm eithteen years old, so I will leave this family.Mum: All right, but please see me at times. This is a bottle of drink, a piece of dry bread. Remember: take good care of yourself, bye!N: He came to a forest, and met an ugly man.U: Hello! I'm very hungry and thirsty, could you give me something to drink and eat, please?F: Ok, hereU: Oh, thanks very much! Now, I will go. Oh, this stick is for you, it will bring luck to you. Good luck!N: The foolman reached a restaurant, the boss had two daughters, they found the stick very brightly.D1: Oh, how beautiful it is! I want it, it's great!!! （上前抓木棒，卻被粘在上面） Oh! Dear! I can't leave it! （吃驚地）D2: Sister, what are you doing there? Do you want this stick yourself? No, I will get a part of it! We are parent's daughters, I must get a part of it like you! （走向木棒）D1: Don't come! Don't come! It's dangerous!D2: You can come, so I can come, too! （也被粘在木棒上） Oh, my god! What's wrong with me?D1: What a pity!N: Foolman didn't mind at all, after the meal he took the stick leave the restaurant. Of course, two girl followed him. In the field they met an old scientist.S: Oh! Terrible! You two girls follow a boy. How silly of you! I will take you back home, and take the boy to the police station. （抓stick ,也被粘住） Oh! Bad luck! Terrible!N: A few days later, they got to a strange country. The king had a daughter, but she never smiled or laughed.King: Who can make her smile or laugh, she'll be his wife.F: Let me try , Perhaps I can.N: Then they went to see her. She saw foolman and his friends laughed and laughed.k: Ok, you make her laugh, now let us look at your 生辰八字. Which day is your birthday?F: April 1.轉自：K: Oh! What a great boy! Do you know my country's name? Let me tell you: it called "Fool World"! Very suits you, right?!N: The result is ——The follman lived happily with his wife until they died. That is why we now have a holiday called : "April Fool". 請問這個可以嗎??