英语相声剧本二人

⑴ 急求两人英语相声

Little Red Riding Hood
第一场：Little Red Riding Hood家
Mum： (妈妈拿着一个篮子，把桌子上的水果放在篮子里）
Little Red Riding Hood:(唱着歌，欢快地跑进来）Hi,mummy, what are you doing?
Mum： （一边把水果放在篮子里，心事重重地说）Grandma is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma. Take them to Grandma.
Little Red Riding Hood：（边提起篮子，边点头说）Ok!
Mum： （亲切地看着Little Red Riding Hood说） Be good. Be careful.
Little Red Riding Hood： Yes ,mummy．Goodbye, mummy.
Mum： Bye-bye. Darling.
第二场：在路上
(一阵轻快的音乐由远而近，Little Red Riding Hood挎着篮子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁)
Little Red Riding Hood： Wow！Flowers, how beautiful! （放下篮子采花）One flower ,two flowers, three flowers.
Wolf：（wolf大步地走上台）I am wolf. I am hungry. (做找东西状,东张西望) Here is a little red riding hood. Hi! Little Red Riding Hood. Where are you going? (做狡猾的样子和Little Red Riding Hood打招呼)
Little Red Riding Hood：(手摸辫子，天真地回答)To Grandma’s．Grandma is ill.
Wolf：（自言自语）I' ll eat Grandma. But……（对Little Red Riding Hood说）Hey, look! 6 little baby cks.
Little Red Riding Hood：(和6只鸭子随着音乐翩翩起舞)
Wolf：（悄悄地藏到大树后）
Little Red Riding Hood：（停止跳舞）Hello! Baby cks，how are you?
Six Ducks：We’ re fine．Thank you． Where are you going?
Little Red Riding Hood：To Grandma’s．Oh, I must go, bye.
Six Ducks：Goodbye．
第三场：Grandma家
Grandma： （喘着气出场，颤颤悠悠地走到床前，吃力地坐到床边，喘了几口，打几个哈欠，慢吞吞地躺倒在床上。）
Wolf：（从树后出来，边走边说）I am very hungry now. (做找寻的样子)Where is Grandma’ s house? (高兴地对观众说)Aha , it’s here.(敲门)Bang, Bang, Bang．
Grandma： Who is it？
Wolf：（装出Little Red Riding Hood的声音，一边得意地摇动尾巴，一边说）It’s me. Little Red Riding Hood.
Grandma： (边说边起床) Come in, come in.
Wolf：(得意洋洋地走到床边) Grandma , I’ll eat you.
Grandma： （惊慌失措地抓紧衣服，瞪着眼睛，边叫迫从床上滚到地上）
灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里。
Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子，翘起大拇指）Yummy！I’ll sleep.
Little Red Riding Hood：(高兴地敲门)Grandma．Grandma．
Wolf：(装扮成Grandma的声音) Who is it？
Little Red Riding Hood：It’s me。Little Red Riding Hood. What a strange noise!
Wolf：Come in， Come in.
Little Red Riding Hood：(蹦跳着进来，把篮子放在桌子上，走到床前一看，跳回几步)Oh! What are big ears!
Wolf：I can listen to your sweet voice.
Little Red Riding Hood：Wow! What a big eyes!
Wolf：I can see you pretty face.
Little Red Riding Hood：Oh! What a big hand.
Wolf：I can hug you.
Little Red Riding Hood：（跪在床前，拉起Wolf的手，边摸边说）Look! What a big hands?
Wolf：(从床上跳起来说)I can eat you!
Little Red Riding Hood：(拼命地跑)Oh！No! No!
Wolf：（追到Little Red Riding Hood，做吃状，拍拍肚子说）It’s delicious. I still sleep. I like sleeping.
Hunter： (一边拿着枪，一边做寻找状出场)Where’s the wolf? Look! A door．(推门)The wolf is sleeping.
Wolf：(发出呼呼的响声)
Hunter： (端起枪想打，又放下)What a big stomach! (摸摸Wolf的肚子)Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood are inside .I must be hurry．(从桌子上拿起剪刀，举起) Look! Scissors. (做剪Wolf的肚子)Cut, cut, cut.
Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma：Thank you．
Hunter： Grandma ,give me some needles and thread． Little Riding Hood ,Give me some stones．
Grandma： (从桌子上拿来针线)
Little Red Riding Hood：(搬来几个石头)One, two, three.
Hunter： (把小石头装进Wolf的衣服里)
Grandma： I'll thread it.
Hunter： (拿起枪)Woke up!
Wolf：(起床，两手托着大肚子)My stomach is so heavy.
Hunter： You big bad wolf, raise your arms!
Wolf：(边跑边说) Help! Don’t shot me!
Hunter： （开枪）Bang, bang!
Wolf： (应声倒下)
Hunter： The bad wolf is dead．
Little Red Riding Hood和Grandma：Yeah! Thank you．

⑵ 求英语相声剧本

天呢，给各位说一段英语相声。
这位大家都认识，XXX我的搭档
小号吹得好！ 就是最近啊，身体不好
尤其这次病的挺严重的，都破相了。
痔疮。 呵呵，开个玩笑
就上个星期吧，XXX给我打点话：走啊，一起游泳去
我说：不去！ 我嫌脏，游泳池里面有很多人都在里面撒尿
他说：别怕，我们也可以尿！
最后还是他一个人去了。
当天下午3点，打电话给我：哥，带2000块赎我来吧，尿尿让人逮着了。
去把他领回来。问他怎么回事，他说：他们都在池子里尿的，我是站在岸边尿的。
过两天，他自己又去了。下午又给我打电话：兄弟。来赎我来吧，又让人逮着了
去把他领回来，问他：又站岸边尿了？ 他说：没有啊。这次在池子里尿的，不过这几天有点上火，尿是黄的。
Today, I would like to present a cross-talk.
This is XXX, my partner, everybody knows him.
He blows his trumpet very well! But he has been indisposed recently
This time he’s really very sick, he’s disfigured.
Hemorrhoids. Ha ha, it’s just a joke.
Just last week, XXX gave me a call: “Come, let’s go swimming ”
I answered: “No, it’s dirty; lots of people urinate in the pool”
He said: “Don’t worry, we also can urinate!”
Finally he went alone.
Later in the afternoon at three o’clock, he called me: “Brother, please bring 2000 Yuan to l me out, I was caught urinating.”
I asked him what’d happened after taking him back, he said: “They urinated in the pool, but I did it standing at the poolside.”
Two days later, again he went there alone. In the afternoon, he called me again: “Brother, I was caught again, come and l me.”
After bringing him back, I asked: “Urinated at the poolside again?”
He answered: “No, this time I did it in the pool, but these few days I have excessive internal heat, my urine was yellow. ”
这里有很多，自己找找就可以了．http://www.playauthor.com/Article/ShowClass.asp?ClassID=2

⑶ 两个人的英语相声 剧本 有分

今天，我给大家说段相声！（边说边张望）怎么还不来。
乙：(慌慌张张上)我来了
甲：呦，您……您这是怎么了？
乙：别提了，都是那英语给闹的！
甲：怎么了？都怎么了？快说来听听！
乙：倒霉事全让我给碰上了！
甲：你那些倒霉事情都是你亲自倒霉的？
乙：废话！还有别人代替倒霉的？
甲：能不能把你那些倒霉事说给大家听听
乙：不愿意！
甲：为什么？
乙：心里难受。
甲：想要大家的掌声吗？
乙：当然想
甲：你讲了，大家就会给你鼓掌，是不是呀？
乙：那就给大伙说说？
甲：好！大伙给鼓鼓掌掌！
乙：说起我这些倒霉事呀，都怨我英语学得太好了。
甲：怨英语学得好？
乙：可不是吗。你记得我家旁边那邻居家大个子吗？
甲：记得！就那个说中国话都（学一段结巴）这样的！
乙：就是这个四肢发达，嘴巴结巴的二狗子打我的！。
甲：他干吗打你了？
乙：他不是上高一吗？
甲：对！
乙：高一不是也有英语吗！
甲：英语那是必修课！
乙：你想就他那中国话都学不好，英语肯定是一个字。
甲：什么？
乙：bad!
甲：他英语差碍你了？
乙：唉，就上个周末！他拿了一张全是英文翻译中文的卷子。
甲：周末布置点作业没什么那！
乙：他没什么，我有事了！
甲：怎么了！
乙：他像往常一样，找我来问问题了！
甲：他都高一，来找一个初中生问问题？
乙：谁让咱英语好呢。
甲：那就教呗
乙：该死就该死在这个出卷子的老师上。
甲：怎么了。
乙：那题目条条都是要命的！
甲：怎么个要命法！
乙：我一个人演不了，要咱们配合一下，我演二狗子，你演我。
甲：行！
乙：你正在看电视呢，我拿着卷子近来问你题目，你一边看电视一边回答！
甲：行！
乙：小毛驴！
甲：唉，（这都什么名字，没个好听的）
乙：我……我问你两……两道题目。这个“I don’t know.”是……是……是……什么意思？
甲：“I don’t know.”我不知道
乙：你别……别看电视了，你怎……怎么会都……都不……不知道！
甲：不是！就是“我不知道”吗！！
乙：还嘴……嘴硬！！！！(一个脑瓜嘣儿)
那“I know.“是……是什么意思，你……你该……该知道吧。
甲：是“我知道“
乙：知……知道就……就快说。
甲：就是“我知道“
乙：找……找……茬呀你？刚才收拾……收拾的轻了是不？
甲：就是我知道呀！
乙：知道……知道你还不说！！不懂……不……不要装懂！ (又三个脑瓜嘣) 你……你给我小……小心点，不就英……英语学得好！跟谁……谁摆谱，再问你最……最后一个，说……说不出来我……我收拾你，“I know but I don’t want to tell you.“是什么意思？
甲：我知道，但是我就不想告诉你！
乙：我一听这题目，我敢翻译吗？我拿起枕头往头上爆砸三十几下，我告诉他，我不会，这下你满意吧？
甲：满意了不？
乙：总算走了，不过一会儿就来问我了“I hear nothing ,repeat. 是what意思啊“
甲:“我没听清,再说一次“
乙:I hear nothing, repeat.
甲：我没听清,再说一次
乙：我这是话音刚落，就连被弹了三个脑瓜嘣儿。
最后问了一句：Look up in the dictionary是什么意思！
甲：“查字典”
乙：我刚说出口，头上又来两下。
甲：那你！
乙：我连忙改口：邻居是最好的朋友！
甲：你怎么瞎说！
乙：我敢说实话吗！再说实话我不得一命呜呼那！
甲：唉，看来你是够倒霉的。

⑷ 英语小品剧本搞笑2人

多少男青年为求婚这件事伤透了脑筋。朋友和他女友是异地恋，在情人节那天他想向她求婚，于是想了个绝妙的点子。那天在火车站送走了女朋友后，他立马坐飞机到了她城市，拿着花在火车站等着她。随着火车进站，他却看到他女友挽着一个男的亲热的下了火车。。。

⑸ 急求一篇：英语双人相声，搞笑的，还要带翻译的。

A: well, this is not small X?
甲：唷，这不是小X吗？
B: well, is a small X ah, what are you doing recently?
乙：唷，是小X啊，最近忙什么哪？
A: hi, do not have what matter, play chess, old didn't see you he, is he ok?
甲：嗨，没啥事，下下象棋，老没见你们老爷子了，他还好吗？
B: Joe your blessing, also is hale and hearty.
乙：托您福，还硬朗着呢。
A: your father also like playing chess.
甲：你爸爸也喜欢下象棋。
B: yes, it is
乙：是啊
A: don't, before I'm old and your father play chess.
甲：可不，以前我老和你爸爸下棋。
B: that's right
乙：没错
A: once we both play chess, I still remain a then, your father still remain a like...
甲：有一回我们俩下棋，我还剩一士，你爸爸还剩一象。。。
B: that's not a draw?
乙：那不和棋了吗？
A: yes, as I am also a draw, but your father not stem, must then down not?
甲：是啊，依着我也是和棋，可你爸爸不干，非得接着下不可？
B: ah??????? How do the next?
乙：啊？？那怎么下呀？
A: ha ha, your father has idea.
甲：呵呵，你爸爸有主意。
B: any idea?
乙：什么主意？
A: your dad said "don't let's and the like are!"
甲：你爸爸说了“要不咱们士象都过河吧。”
甲：B: never heard of it! 乙：没听说过！
A: then what your father like just across the river, I taxi also across the river, you dad took his like like me, I will take my taxi and your father... Your dad to like me, and I'll then your father, your father like me, I and your father, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa...
甲：然后呢你爸爸的象就过河了，我的士也过河了，你爸爸就拿他的象象我，我
就拿我的士士你爸爸。。。你爸爸再象我，我再士你爸爸，你爸爸象我，我士你爸爸
，你爸爸象我我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我
我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我我是你爸爸。。。。。。。。。
B: go to your!!!!!
乙：去你的吧！！

⑹ 英语2人小品剧本带翻译

An English play---- Pig Guy has been defeated by Monkey King 悟空：师傅，是不是太累了？休息一下再走吧。 Master, are you tired? Let’s have a rest. 唐僧：没关系，前面不远就有人家了，到了那里再休息吧。 I am fine. Let’s have a rest later. Look! There is a house over there. 悟空仔细地搀扶唐僧继续行走，同时另一边老头、老妈、小媳妇出场。 小媳妇（做哭状）：爹、妈，我…… Daddy, mommy, I, I … 老头：女儿，快走吧，不然那猪精来了，就走不了了。 Honey, hurry up. The spirit is coming soon. 小媳妇走几步又回头跑回老妈的怀里，抱头痛哭。老头在一边叹息，擦泪。 唐僧、悟空走到他们面前。 悟空：师傅，到了。 Master, here we are. 唐僧（走到老头面前行礼，悟空看见了正在哭的母女俩，觉得奇怪，上下打量）：老施主，我是从 东土大唐前往西天取经的和尚，想借贵地休息一晚，不知方便否？ Excuse me, sir. I am the monk from the east. Can we stay over here tonight? 老头（做哽咽状）：哦，是东土大唐来的高僧啊，可以可以。（别过脸去继续哭泣） Oh, you are the monk from the east. Sure. Sure, come in, please …… 唐僧正在奇怪，老妈闻声抬起头，仔细打量唐僧，突然扑到唐僧面前。 老妈：高僧啊，你可要救救我的女儿，救救我们一家啊。 Master, please save my daughter, save my family… 唐僧：老施主休要伤心，有什么事慢慢说。 Don’t be sad, madam. Take it easy. What happened? 老头：高僧有所不知，我们这里有一只猪精，今天要来跟我女儿成亲，大家都斗不过它，现在正 准备把女儿送出去逃避 Master, there is a spirit here. He wants to marry my daughter, tonight. We are all afraid of him. 唐僧：施主莫怕，我这徒弟本领高强，也许他能帮上你们。 Calm down, sir. My apprentice has great capability. Maybe, he can help you. 老头：唉，高僧啊，以前也来过自称本领高强的师傅，结果都被这猪精打跑了。今天你们就躲着 别出来了吧。 Alas! , master, there have been many people who boast to be very capable. But every time, they were defeated by the spirit. You’d better keep away tonight. 悟空：噢，有这么厉害的妖怪？我倒要会他一会。待会你们只管躲起来，外面发生什么事，都不 用管。 What? Is the spirit really so strong? I’d like to see how great he is. All of you just stay inside. Don’t come out no matter what happens. 这时起了风声（音乐），老头一家吓得站起来混身发抖。小媳妇吓得直往老妈怀里钻。悟空镇定 地举手示意，让师傅及老头一家人躲到房间里面去。自己也手搭凉篷看了看，便不慌不忙地也躲 在了门后，露出一段红袖子。 猪八戒大笑着耀武扬威地走上场来，嘴里大喊：小娘子，我来了。 Darling, here I am. 站在台上停一下，见没有动静，觉得奇怪，往房屋里看去，见露出一段红袖子，高兴地一拍手掌。 八戒：小娘子还害羞呢，不敢出来见老猪吗？来，来，来，我们就要是夫妻了，还害什么羞呀！。 Darling, don’t be so shy! Please come to me. Come on, we will be a couple. 猪八戒跑上去轻轻拉住红袖子，把小娘子拖了出来，小娘子作出害羞的样子，有时又做出猴子的 模样。 八戒：小娘子，不用怕，我虽然长得丑，但本领高强，一定会让你过上好日子的。 Darling, don’t be afraid. Although I am ugly, I am so powerful. I am sure that I can make you happy. 小娘子笑着点头，抓耳挠腮。 八戒：小娘子，你高兴的时候干嘛要像猴子一样？ Darling, why do you look like a monkey ? 小娘子：我一高兴就觉得痒，所以就抓一抓。 When I am happy, I always tickle. 八戒：高兴就好，高兴就好。我们快入洞房吧。 Fine, let’s go to the bedroom. 八戒拉住小娘子就往房子里面钻。小娘子作出动脑筋的样子，又把八戒拉回来。 八戒：哇，小娘子，你好大的力气啊，干嘛把我拉出来啊？ Darling. Why are you so powerful? 小娘子：夫君，你这模样进去会吓着我的父母的，还是去你家里吧。 Honey, your appearance will frighten my parents. We’d better go to your home. 八戒：去我家？那太好了，我们这就走吧。 Go to my house？OK. that’s a great idea. Let’s go. 两人走了几步，小女子做出腿疼摔了一下的样子，八戒忙扶起她，作出痛惜的样子。 小女子：我一个弱女子，哪里能走这么远？夫君背我吧。 I cannot walk any further. Can you carry me on your back? 八戒：背你？好，好，好。谁让你是我的媳妇呢？ Carry you on my back? All right. You're my wife after all. Come on. 八戒把小女子背上：娘子，我们这就出发了。 Darling, Let's go. 小女子（在八戒头上一点）：走吧，呆子。 Okay. Let’s go. 音乐响起(直到八戒摔倒)。八戒在台上走一圈，做出越走越慢，越走越累的样子。小女子在他背 上抓耳挠腮，非常高兴。 八戒：小娘子，你怎么这么重啊？ Darling, why are you so heavy? 小女子：不是我重，只怕是你不想背我吧？ Do you think so? Don't you want to carry me?) 八戒：不,不,不，我背，我背。 Yes, I do. I do. 继续艰难地走。小女子得意地在背上笑。八戒体力不支，一跤摔倒，小女子倒地之后， 灵活地越上台上的假山，先做出猴子笑看八戒的样子，再做出摔疼了的样子在那里呻吟。 八戒听到女子的呻吟，忙东张西望找小媳妇。 八戒：娘子，摔着了没有？娘子，摔着了没有？娘子，你摔到哪去了？怎么看不见你了？ Darling, are you OK? Darling, where are you? Why can't I see you? 小女子（偷偷地笑，再装作痛苦的样子）：夫君，我在这里呢。 Honey, I am here. 八戒：哇，娘子, 你怎么摔到高的地方去了？ Darling. Why did you go up there? 小女子：还不是你这呆子害的。 That's your fault. 八戒：对不起，娘子。对不起，娘子。 Sorry, darling. I’m very sorry. 小女子：看你这么辛苦，我也摔疼了，那就休息休息吧。 You look so tired, and I feel sore. Let’s have a rest. 八戒：太好了。 我们就休息一下吧！ Have a rest? That’s a good idea. Let’s have a rest. 八戒听了高兴地坐在下面休息，小女子仔细地打量他。 小女子（撒娇地）：夫君，你是哪里的神仙，我都还不知道，怎么能嫁给你呢？你可要告诉我。 Honey, how can I marry you? I don’t even know where you come from. You must tell me the truth first. 八戒：唉，别提了，想当年我本是天上的天篷元帅，上天入地，八面威风。只因冒犯了嫦娥， 被玉帝贬下凡尘，错投了猪胎，长成这般模样。 Alas! Don’t mention it. I was Tianpeng marshal, I could fly between heaven and the world. Only because I made a big mistake, I was punished by Yudi. So I became a pig. That’s why I am so ugly. 小女子：亏你长得这么丑，还敢出来见人。 You look too ugly to meet people. 八戒：本来我也不想出来，只是南海观音点化我，叫我在这里等候前往西天的取经人。等了这么久， 也不见，便出来逛逛，能碰到娘子你，是我一生的造化，还管它什么西天取经呢？（八戒高兴地过 去想拉小女子的手） I didn’t want to come here. Nanhai Guanyin asked me to wait for Tangseng. I've been waiting for a long time, but nobody has come. It’s lucky to meet you here. 小女子（把手甩开）：你说自己是天上的神仙，怎么连我都背不动，真让人难以相信。 You said that you were an immortal in the heaven . Why can’t you carry me? It’s impossible! 八戒：我真的是天上的神仙，你干嘛不信呢你。 I am really the immortal. Why don’t you believe me? 小女子：那你拿出点本事来瞧瞧。 Show me some gongfu then. 八戒：好，让我露两手来给你看看。 OK, let me show you my gongfu. 从石头后拿出钉钯，舞了起来。小女子暗暗点头。当八戒的钉色舞到小女子面前时，被小女子一把 抓住，往石山后面一拖，八戒被拖了过去。 八戒：娘子，你怎么这么大的力气？ Darling. Why are you so strong? 小女子：有本事你把我拖出去呀。 Pull me out if you can . 八戒做出用力拖的样子，没有发现拖出来的却是悟空。悟空一松手，八戒摔倒在地。 八戒：娘子，你怎么这么狠心把我摔倒了? 不要开玩笑了。 How could you let me fall down? Don’t kid any longer. 悟空大笑：呆子，看看我是谁！ You Silly! Look at me. Who am I? 八戒一看，吓得跳起来：齐天大圣，我的妈呀。 My god! You are Mahatma! 八戒转身想跑，被悟空拦住，两人打了起来，八戒不是对手，被悟空压住，不能动弹。 悟空：呆子，你可还敢在这里害人不成？ You silly! Dare you harm others any more? 八戒：不敢了，不敢了。 No, I dare not! 悟空： 你可还敢在这里娶媳妇？ Dare you wive yet? 八戒：不敢了。大圣爷爷饶我。 No,no. Please forgive me, Mahatma. 悟空：量你也不敢。 I bet you dare not. 悟空放开，八戒转身想跑，被悟空一把抓住耳朵，疼得直叫。 悟空：呆子，想往哪里去？ You silly, where are you going? 八戒：我已答应你，不再闹事了，干嘛还不放我走？ I'll never make trouble any more. Why don't you let me go? 悟空：呆子，我带你去见取经人。 You silly, I'm taking you to meet the sutra-seeker. 八戒：什么？取经人来了？ What? Has Tangseng come? 悟空：走吧。 Yes. Let's go! 两人在台上走半圈，来到房前。 悟空：师傅，出来吧，这妖怪已经被我降服了。 Master, please come out! The spirit has been defeated ! 唐僧等人走了出来，老头一家还有些战战兢兢。 悟空：呆子，还不跪下，见过师傅。 You silly, kneel down to meet your master. 八戒忙对着唐僧下跪，口喊师傅。唐僧非常吃惊。 Master, nice to meet you here. 唐僧：徒儿，这是怎么回事？ My prentice, what's up? 悟空：师傅，这是观世音菩萨特意让他在此等候陪您上西天取经的。 Master, he will accompany you to the west at Guanyin's behest. 唐僧：哦，多谢观世音菩萨，既然这样我就收你为徒，赐你法名为 八戒。 I see! Thank Guanyin! Since then, I will take you as my prentice and name you Bajie. 八戒：谢谢师傅（站了起来）。 Thank you, my master! 老头：恭喜高僧又收神徒。 Congratulations! 唐僧：徒儿们，我们上路吧。（八戒还依依不舍地看着小女子） Let's go ahead, my prentices. 悟空：八戒，还看什么呢？走了。 Bajie, there is nothing to attach to. Let's go! 八戒恋恋不舍地走到前面带路。

采纳哦

⑺ 求一篇2人的英语相声剧本

Once there lived a kind and lovely girl. After her father's death, her stepmother became cruel to her.Her two step-sisters teased her, asking her to do all the housework.
从前有一位可爱善良的姑娘，她父亲很早就去世了。她的继母经常虐待她，继母带来的两个孩子也经常欺负她，她们把灰姑娘当女拥一样使唤。
stepmother: Do the laundry and get on with your ties. Clean the floors right away. And what's more,bring me my breakfast.
把这些衣服拿到洗衣房做你的事情。把地板赶快给我擦干净。另外，把我的早饭带来。
stepsister1: Cinderella! Get me my sweater, I feel a little cold.
灰姑娘，把我的衣服拿来，我感到有点冷。
stepsister2: Hurry up! Prepare the carriage for me, hand me my gloves. I'm to be late for my date. You're so, you're always so sluggish.
快点！把马车给我准备好，递我手套。我约会要晚了，你总是那么慢慢腾腾的。
Cruel as her stepmother was to her, Cinderella still lived an optimistic life. She had a lot of animal friends.
虽然继母这样对她，可灰姑娘还是乐观地活着，另外她还有许多小动物做她的朋友。
One day, the king held a party for the prince to choose the girl he loved. Every maid in the town was invited to the party.
一天，国王要让王子自己选择心爱的人，为王子举办了一个宫廷舞会，邀请城里所有的姑娘参加。
The stepmother took her two daughters to the party, leaving Cinderella at home, because she was jealous of Cinderella's beauty.
可继母嫉妒灰姑娘的美貌，让灰姑娘在家干活，独自带着女儿去了。
Cinderella was broken-hearted. At that time, her fairy godmother appeared.
灰姑娘非常地伤心，这时，教母出现了。
Cinderella: There's nothing left to believe in. Nothing!
没有什么我相信的事情，什么也没有！
Godmother: Nothing, my dear? Oh, now you don't really mean that.
亲爱的，什么也没有吗？但现在你的意思并不是这样。
Cinderella: Oh, but I do.
噢，但我确实是这样想的。
Godmother: Nonsense, child! If you'd lost all your faith, I couldn't be here. And here I am!Oh, come now, Dry those tears!
胡说，孩子。如果你失去了你的信仰，我就不会在这里了。但现在我在这，噢，过来，擦干眼泪。
Cinderella: Why then, you must be...
为什么你一定在。。。
Godmother: Your fairy godmother? Of course. Now let's see, hmm...now...the magic words.Bibbidi-boddidi-boo. Put them together and what have you got.
你传说中的教母？当然，现在让我看看。。。现在，这些魔力的话，Bibbidi-boddidi-boo。 把它们放在一起，看你得到了什么。
Cinderella: Oh, it's beautiful! It's like a dream, a wonderful dream come true.
噢，它太美丽了！象一个梦，一个美好的梦想变成了现实。
Godmother: Yes, my child, but like all dreams, well, I'm afraid this can't last forever. You'll have only till night and...
是的，我的孩子，象所有的梦一样。恐怕它不能永远延续下去。你仅仅能在午夜和。。。拥有它。
Cinderella: Midnight?Oh, thank you.
午夜？噢，谢谢你。
Godmother: Oh, just a minute. Remember, on the stroke of twelve, the spell will be broken and everything will be as it was before.
噢，等一会儿。记住，当时钟敲响到12点的时候，钟将会打破，一切事情又恢复了从前。
Cinderella: Oh, I understand, but...it's more than I ever hoped for.
哦，我懂了。但它比我期望的要多地多。
Godmother: Bless you, my child. Enjoy yourself.
祝福你，我的孩子，玩得开心。
At the party, Cinderella danced with the prince all the time.Time passed quickly. All of a sudden, Cinderella caught sight of the clock on the wall. Oh, it is almost
twelve o'clock-five to twelve!
舞会上，灰姑娘成了王子唯一选中的舞伴，灰姑娘与王子高兴地跳舞，旁人都很羡慕地看着他们，议论他们。时间在美妙的歌舞中过去，墙上的大钟突然映入灰姑娘的眼里，差5分钟12点。
Cinderella: Oh, my goodness!
噢，天啊！
Prince: What's the matter?
什么事？
Cinderella: It's midnight. It's almost midnight.
午夜了，快到午夜了。
Prince: Yes, so it is.But why?
是的，但又怎样呢？
Cinderella: Goodbye.
再见。
Prince: No, no,wait, you can't go now.
不，等等，你现在不能走。
Cinderella: Oh, I must, please, I must.
噢，我必须走。
Prince: But why?
但为什么呢？
Cinderella: goodbye.
再见。
Prince: No, wait, come back. Please come back! I don't even know your name. How will I find you? Wait, please wait! Wait!
不，等等，回来，请回来！我连你的名字都不知道呢。我怎么能找到你呢？等等，等等，等等！
Cinderella: Goodbye.
再见。
The next day, every maid in the town was ordered to try the glass shoe.Whoever the shoes fitted well would be the bride of the princel.No one could put on the shoe, nor
could the two step-sisters. When the officials were going to leave, Cinderella appeared and asked to have a try.
第二天，国王命令城中每一位女孩必须史穿玻璃鞋，穿上鞋子最合适的姑娘将成为王子的新娘。但城中没有一个女孩能穿着合适。最后来到灰姑娘的家中，继母的女儿们当然也不能穿上那双玻璃鞋，
正当国王的大臣要离开时，灰姑娘出现在楼梯上，她要求试一试鞋。
Cinderella: Please wait! May I try it on?
请等等！我可以试一下吗？
Stepmother: Oh, pay no attention to her.
噢，别理她。
stepsister1: It's only Cinderella!
她仅仅是灰姑娘！
stepsister2:Impossible.
不可能。
stepsister1: She's out of her mind.
她疯了。
stepmother: Yes, yes. Just an imaginative child.
是的，是的，只是一个爱想象的孩子。
Duke:Of course, you can have a try, my fair lady.
当然你可以试试，我的女士。
Duke: Oh, no!No!This is terrible. The king! What shall I do?
噢，不！不！这很糟糕。国王！我该做什么呢？
Cinderella: But perhaps this would help...
但这或许有点帮助。。。。
Duke: No, no. Nothing can help now, nothing.
不，不。现在什么都帮不了。
Cinderella: You see, I have the other slipper.
你看，我有另一只拖鞋。
Cinderella and the prince held a grand wedding and they led a happy life from then on.
王子和灰姑娘举行了盛大的婚礼，幸福地生活。

<<灰姑娘>>剧本英文版：
第一场：
旁白：Long, long ago, there was a cute girl, her name is Alice, her mother was dead, her father loved her very much.
Father: Dear daughter! These presents are for you! Do you like them?
Alice: Yeah, thank you, Dad.
Father: My lovely daughter, I hope you are happy forever!
旁白：But one day, her father married a new wife.
Look, her step mother and her new sisters are coming.
Stepmother: Helen, Jenny, look, how beautiful the house is!
mso-charHelen: Yes, and so many fruits. Apples，bananas, mangoes and lychee. Wow, I like them.(吃水果)
Jerry: Mum, look, so many beautiful clothes. I like this dress.
(往身上穿)
Alice： Oh, no, that’s my dress. It’s a new dress my father bought for me.
Jerry： Who are you? Mum, who is she?
Stepmother: She is your little sister. But it doesn’t matter. Look!
Alice, go, clean the room and then cook for us.
Alice: Why? I’m not your servant.
Stepmother: Yeah. But from now on you are our servant.
Alice and Jerry: Mum, I like her dress.(拽衣服)
Jenny：I like her necklace.(抢项链戴在脖子上)
旁白：After that, Alice had been their servant. She worked and worked from morning to night. She had no room to live, she had no good food to eat and good clothes to wear.
She was more and more dirty, so people called her Cinderella.
第二场：
Stepmother: Who is it?
Soldier: It’s me. I’m the soldier of the palace.
(打开门)Good morning, madam, this is for you and your daughters.
mso-charStepmother: What is it?(打开信看)
（欢呼）Helen, Jerry, good news! There will be a big dancing party in the palace. The prince will select a queen among the young girls.
mso-charTwo daughters: Hooray! I’ll be the queen!
mso-charStepmother: Come on, daughters. You must put on your most beautiful dress and make up!
mso-charAlice: Mum, I want to go ,too.
mso-charThree: You? Look at yourself, so dirty and so ugly.
mso-charStepmother: Daughters, are you ready? Let’s go.
mso-charAlice: Oh, my friends. I really want to go. What shall I do?
mso-charCat, Peagion, Dog: Don’t be so sad, Alice. At least, we are with you.
mso-charFairy: Poor girl, let me help you.
mso-charAnimals: Wow, how beautiful!
mso-charCat: You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve seen.
mso-charDog: Yes! You will be the most beautiful girl in the party!
mso-charPeagion: Yes! And the prince will love you at once!
mso-charFairy: Alice, go to the party and dance. But remember you
150%; TEXT-INDENT: 48pt; mso-char-indent-count: 4.0; mso-char-indent-size: 12.0pt">must come back before 12 o’clock. Or you will
150%; TEXT-INDENT: 48pt; mso-char-indent-count: 4.0; mso-char-indent-size: 12.0pt">change back.
Alice: Thank you , Fairy.(跑)
Fairy: (喊)Be careful! Don’t forget the time!
Alice: I won’t forget.
第三场
mso-charMinister1: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the prince dancing ball. This night,
our prince will select the most beautiful and kindest girl to be his queen .Now, young girls, come to the front,please!
Minister2：How are they?Which one do you like?
Prince: No, I don’t like anyone.
(Alice come in)
Ministers: Wow, how beautiful!
(She’s like a fairy. She’s like a Angel. She’s so lovely. She’s like a princess. How pretty the girl is!)
Prince: Pretty princess, may I dance with you?
Alice: I’d like to.
(music and dance)
(one person pick up a clock)
Alice: Oh, it’s time to go back. I must go now.
Prince: Wait, princess, wait!
Alice(跑，掉一只鞋)
Prince: (拿起鞋)Pretty princess!Why are you leaving? I must find you!
Soldiers!
Soldiers: Yes!
Prince: Take the shoe to every house. You must find the girl for me.
Soldiers: Yes, your highnesss!
第四场：
（士兵敲门）
Stepmother: What’s the matter, soldiers?
Soldier1: Are there any young girls in your family, madam?
Soldier2: The pretty princess lost her shoe in the palace.
Soldier3: The prince wants to find her and marry her.
Helen: Let me try.The shoe is mine.
Soldier1: No,it’s not yours. It’s too small for you.
Jenny: It’s mine. Let me try it.
Soldier2: No, it’s not yours, it’s too small for you.
Stepmother: Hi, come on, maybe it’s mine. Let me try it.
mso-charSoldier3:Oh, my god, it couldn’t be yours. Do you have another daughter?
Alice: Hello, gentlemen, may I try it?
Stepmother :You? Go away!
Helen: Look at yourself!
Jenny: So dirty and so ugly!
mso-charHead Soldier: No, ladies, let her try! Come, little girl, try it on,please!
mso-charAlice: Thank you! (试鞋)
mso-charSoldiers: Wonderful! It’s yours! It fits for you very well!
mso-charSoldier1:（Call prince）5535240
mso-charPrince: Hello, this is prince speaking!
mso-charSoldier1: Good news, your highnesss! We have found the
beautiful girl.
mso-charPrince: Really? That’s wonderfull! I’ll come at once.
mso-charFairy: My child, happy time is coming. Let me help you the
1last time.(变美丽)
mso-charPrince: Oh, my deariest princess, I love you, go with me and be my queen, OK?
mso-charAlice: OK!
mso-charStepmother and sisters: How did it happen?(昏倒)
mso-char旁白：The story finished. Alice found her happiness. Alice and
the prince lived happily ever after! And that brings us to the end of the play.
(善有善报，恶有恶报，善良的人终会有好报，灰姑娘最终找到了自己的幸福，与王子幸福地生活在一起！

检举 The Old Cat
An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.

Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."

意思就是：老猫

一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。

于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你服务了很多年，而且还愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。”

T---Tiger F---Fox R---Rabbit B---Bird Fr---Frog B----Bear ( 狐假虎威)

Tiger: I’m a great tiger. I’m very strong. I’m very brave. I’m the king of the forest.But now I’m very hungry. I must find sth. to eat at once, or I’ll die immediately. Oh, there’s nothing here. And here is nothing, either. Oh, I want to have a rest. (Sleep soundly)

Fox: I’m a fox. You can see, I’m pretty and lovely. I’m good at cheating 0and telling lies. Just now I cheated a crew out of a piece of meat. Mm, Mm, Mm. How delicious it is!

Tiger: Ah, a fox. A good meal. Ah, a good meal.

Fox: Oh, my God! What should I do? Yes, I have a good idea. Yes, a good idea. Hello! Tiger sister! How are you?

Tiger: Not so good. I’m very hungry now. I want to eat you.

Fox: Oh, my dear! How dare you say that! I’m the king of the forest! I’m the king of the forest! If you want to eat me, I will let you die right now.

Tiger: She is the king. She is cheating me. I can’t belive her. I’m the king of the forest here.

Fox: If you don’t believe me, just follow me and see who is the king of the forest.

Tiger: Ok. Let’s go.

Rabbit: I’m a rabbit. I like to eat a turnip. Ah, a big turnip. Oh! It’s too hard. I can’t pull it out.

Bird: I’m a bird.

Rabbit: Hi!

Bird: Hi! What are doing here, Miss Rabbit? Can I help you?

Rabbit: Yes, please.

Frog: I’m a frog. Hello! What are you doing here? What can I do for you?

R&B: Yes, come on!

Frog : Ok! I’m coming!

Bear: I’m a big brown bear. Hello, everyone! What are you doing here?

R,B&F: Come on! Come on! Mr. Bear! You are so strong. Please come here. There is a big turnip. We are allpuling it out. Please come and help us.
Bear: Ok! I’m coming.
Fox: Hello, Bear!
Bear: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)
Fox: Hello, Frog!
Frog: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)
Fox: Hello, Bird!
Bird: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)
Fox: Hello, Rabbit!
Rabbit: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)
Fox: Tiger, Now, you see. They are so frightened! They all run away!
Tiger: Yes, you are right. It’s true. I’m very sorry. You are the king of the forest. That’s all right. I will run away. He is the king. He is the king.
Fox: Wa! There is a big turnip. Now, the turnip belongs to me.

⑻ 中学生英语相声剧本2人加翻译，急，在线等

相声好歹也是中国的传统文化，拿英语说就没原来的味道了，就像不会有人拿英语唱京剧一样。也许你需要的是像两人对话的情景剧或者小笑话之类的，相声还是算了吧。

⑼ 幽默的英语小品剧本 ~两人的~允许有多角色 但是两人 不冲突就好

守株待兔（英语短剧） 剧本
你可以自己调节角色~

（因为是搞笑，所以不必太拘谨。普通台词意思对即可。）

[开始。树）上台安静地屹立到舞台较后方。导演（范冰）走到台前]

导演：Action！[跑下台]

[农夫冷酷地上。]

农夫：I’m a farmer.（稍停顿）[走两步]A modern farmer.（掏出墨镜戴上）[冷酷地走两步，突然被绊了一跤，回头生气地踢了下绊自己的石头，继续保持冷酷]When I was yong,I studied in Nan~tong Middle School[掏出胸卡骄傲地展示给观众看，收起]！So I’m rich now！[开始展示名牌，边说边掏]Look！This is my modern mobile——Motorola WC 250！This is my Swatch!This my MP3!This is my shoes——ADI~DAS!This is… [不经意地掏出一个苹果]Oh,sorry. And look at this![从怀里掏出痒痒挠] Do U know what’s this？痒痒挠？No no no~~It’s my modern——锄头~！！[看下表]It’s time to do some farming！[开始弯下腰做出锄地的动作，锄了两下，突然] Oh yes!I think farming should be combined with music![掏出MP3戴上，开始很有激情地边锄地边唱]Farming farming,I’m farming!Farming should be combined with music~!Farming farming,I’m farming!Farming will be funny and easy~![边唱边锄边慢慢下台，把没用的道具拿走，把有用的道具准备在口袋里] [树走上前台]

树：I’m a tree!I can do many things!I can sing![做出疯狂摇滚歌手的动作，边做边唱：哼哼哈西！！！]I can dance![跳四小天鹅]I’m tall!And I’m Strong!IF you hit me,you will 挂掉！Oh?There comes a rabbit! [引导观众看兔子A)。树站回后台]

[兔子A上]

兔子A（一开始不知道状况。以为自己扮演周杰伦，所以很热情地上场跟观众打招呼）：Hey everybody,I’m Jay!I love U!I love Nantong![展示新专辑《十一月的肖邦》]Now let me sing one of my new songs to U！The name of the song is 《发如雪》！[清清嗓子正要唱，这时候导演（范冰）上]

导演：[拿手中纸筒狠狠打了下兔子A的头]What are U doing?! Now U are a rabbit,understand?![兔子A：Sorry sorry sorry] [导演边说边夺过《十一月的肖邦》。导演下台之前，看了下《十》] What’s this?[看了看，惊喜地]Oh!It’s mine！（很兴奋地拿着下场）

兔子A：OK,now I’m a rabbit. I just had my breakfast. Now I’m just walking around here. I think walking after meals is good for my health. [在场上转圈，悠闲散步]

[农夫继续锄地，边锄边上场，突然看见前面有个兔子]

农夫：（惊喜地）Lunch！[扔掉痒痒挠]I will catch it！ [偷偷摸摸地跟到兔子后面走]

[农夫跟在兔子后面。两个人走啊走。兔子突然回头。农夫假装看手表。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装看天气。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装打手机。两人继续走，兔子回头。这次农夫冷酷地把枪口对准了兔子。]

兔子A：Wahhhh~!（吓一跳）What’s this！

农夫：Hnnnn…！I will kill U for lunch!

兔子A：But your gun… [帮农夫把枪头调转过来（农夫一开始把枪对着自己）]

农夫：Thank you!

兔子A：My pleasure. （突然想起来农夫要杀自己） Wah~~~~~~ [兔子跑，躲到树后面，农夫追到树前]

农夫：Where~ to go? Haha!

[农夫开了一枪“砰”。兔子在树后惊慌躲闪，没被打到。树做出受伤中弹状。 农夫又开枪，同上。 农夫开始加快频率，火力密集地开枪。兔子开始时惊慌躲闪，躲着躲着跳起舞来。树继续痛苦中弹状。]

兔子A[自我陶醉中，边跳边说]You didn’t hurt me! You didn’t hurt me！

树：[痛苦万分地]But…U…Hurt me….[痛苦地慢慢挪动到兔子背后]

[兔子继续兴奋地跳舞。农夫停止开枪，走到兔子面前，看着它。 兔子猛然抬头发现]

农夫：Ah ha~! Bye bye ! [举枪对准兔子，开枪，没声音，看看枪，示意没子弹了。兔子见状，非常兴奋地大笑起来]

兔子A：Ha ha ha ha! You can’t kill me now！ [兴奋大笑，笑到抽筋，笑到后仰。突然头撞倒了后面的树] Wa ！[兔子晕两下~~ “我倒！” 倒地]

农夫：OH! [很兴奋地过去两个手指提起兔子]My lunch , I caught you !!! [想一下] But I’m still full now.Let me tie it to the tree and have a sleep.I will eat it after sleeping.[把兔子绑到树上。倒地睡到树旁边]

……

兔子A：[兔子很快醒了，看看四周，发现自己被绑了，很惊讶]Where am I? What happened?

树：[指着农夫]He caught you and wanted to eat you.

兔子A：What?! I must leave here! But how can I escape？[东张西望，看到农夫的手机]

[兔子不知不觉地把树杈移开，走到手机前看了看]咦？What’s this？[捡起来看]Oh,a mobile.[再看]It’s beautiful.[放回原处。 又自觉地把自己绑在树上。 突然想起来]A mobile！Maybe I can call some one to help me！ [又不知不觉地把自己放出来，那起手机] But how to use it？？？

树：[走上前]Let me tell U.Look,press this button![给兔子]

兔子A：Oh I see. [做出打电话的样子] 喂？

李咏：[上台，激情澎湃地] Hello！This is lucky fifty-two！[做出幸运52的手势]I’m Liyong！Now let’s start our first question！What’s the most probable relation between 康熙 and 雍正？ A. Husband and wife B.Teacher and student C.Waiter and costomer Answer me,please!

兔子A：（很冷漠地）Sorry， wrong number.[挂掉]

李咏：Answer me!Answer me! En..?喂？喂喂？[很郁闷地下台]

兔子A：Now let me call again.[拨打] 喂？

兔子B：喂？

兔子A：Hey Jackey！

兔子B：Hey tommy!

兔子A：How are you doing?

兔子B：Fine,thank you.And U?

兔子A：I’m fine too!How are your parents doing?

兔子B：They are fine,thank you.And U?

兔子A：They are fine,too!How is your uncle doing?

兔子B：He’s fine,thank you!And U?

兔子A：He’s fine , too!

兔子B：But why do you call me? If you want borrow some money from me…NO WAY!!!

兔子A：No no no!I’m in danger now!Come and help me!!!

兔子B：But where are you?

兔子A：I’m under a tree!

兔子B：[边打电话边在附近走，经过兔子A面前，两个人还没发现]What can you see around you?

兔子A：I see a rabbit ,rather like you!

兔子B：A rabbit…rather like me… OK! I’ll soon come!Wait for me! I will help you! [匆匆离开]

[兔子A 打完电话，小心翼翼地把手机放回农夫处，还很有礼貌地说了句“Thank you.” 然后又很自觉地把自己绑回了树上]

兔子A：Hahaha!My friend will come and save me,yeah! [兴奋过度，后仰，头又撞倒树上，昏眩中…“我晕！” 又晕了]

[兔子B上。]兔子B：I’m also rabbit！I’m clever! I’m brave ! And I’m strong! [展示肌肉] OH！My friend is here!Let me help him out! [费力地想把树枝（双臂）挪开，使了几次劲，还是不行] It’s too tight! I must think of a good way! [看到农夫扔掉的痒痒挠] Let’s see,what’s this！A 锄头！[装作打高尔夫球，试了试锄头手感]Oh,it’s nice.[走到树面前，正要砍]

树：Stop！！！What will you do?

兔子B：I will cut you down to save my friend.

树：O. [突然醒悟] What?! Cut me down?! Teachers told us that we should protect the environment! Understand?!

兔子B：Oh yes！You are right! [扔掉锄头] I have to think of another idea! [想了想] Oh!![灵感突来][看了看手表] Oh it’s time to do morning exercise ！Come on! [开始带头做早操。做着做着对树说“Follow me！” （企图让树动起来，两只手松开，这样就可以救出兔子A）树也开始跟着做起早操。 兔子B轻轻上前，想救出兔子A。但是树的广播操动作恰好都是会挡住营救的。兔子B狂汗… -_-b 广播操毕。树继续绑着兔子A]

兔子B：Why?! Maybe I need another idea. Oh!I’v got it！Music！ [音响放起泰坦尼克号主题曲高潮前奏。 兔子B抱住树，企图引导树像女主角一样张开双臂，放出兔子A。树渐渐陶醉，手缓缓松开。兔子B正要搭救同伴，突然兔子A两只手张开，成了女主角动作。树又抱住了兔子A的腰，成了男主角动作。树和A陶醉其中。B要唤醒A：“Wake up!Wake up!”

兔子A沉醉其中，完全不理它，还用脚踹走要救它的B：“Don’t disturb me！”继续陶醉。]

兔子B：（无奈ing…）Stop！！！（音乐停） （沮丧）I can’t save my friend…[掏出纸巾想要擦汗，带出10块钱，掉在地上]

树：Money！[一个箭步冲上去捡起钱，回到原位并且对着太阳验钞。]

兔子A：[看四周] I’m free!!!Oh yes,I’m free!Thank you,Jackey! [慢动作深情扑向兔子B] Jackey~~~~ [突然兔子B低头系鞋带。兔子A控制不住一下子撞在树上，晕两下说：“暴头！”死翘。] [兔子B见状冲上去，深情地搂住A：“Tommy!Tommy！”[伤心地俯下身子，紧紧抱住A]

[这时睡觉中的农夫突然一个翻身，又把B压在了下面]

兔子B：I…can’t….breath……I’m dying!!!! [也翘了]

农夫：[农夫这时候醒了。擦了下口水，看见两只兔子] En..?Two rubbits! I rememer I have caught just one?! Oh,maybe I drank too much.

[兴奋地一手提一只兔子，哼着小曲下场]

树：[还在验钞的树正在高兴，突然发现是假钞]A！It’s a fake！Wait for me！[追下去]

⑽ 英语相声2人，要长，好笑，至少10分钟

A: Good morning everyone, today I will play a short crosstalk with my partner„Where is him?
B (run up quickly, very tired): Good morning„ A: You are late! We are all waiting for you!
B: Oh, I am sorry, but it was an accident, I caught a car accident on my way here and I am still alive! A: What did you say? A car accident?
B: Yeah. At that time, I was riding my bike, then suddenly I found that my bike wasn’t under my control. I wanted to stop it but I didn’t see a bus on the right of me, then, then„that bus hit me and I fell down.
A (with the mouth open): A, a, a, a bus? You said a bus hit you?
B: Yes, it is true!
A: Didn’t you get hurt!
B: Of course I did not, because that bus was parking there! At that time, I told me I must be dead. I did not understand until someone shouted “Do you want to take a free bus?” A: Were there any passengers on it?
B: No, nobody...
A: Ok, that was good.
B: But the bus driver was on it, and he looked out of the
window and said: “Look out, boy, it’s dangerous! Anyway, my bus do not carry bikes!”
A: You were lucky, but you have to know, there are also many moving buses„
B: You think I am stupid? Of course I know, and I also know, you will say: “these moving buses are all dangerous„”, right?
A: I mean you have to be more careful. We leant much at school. Don’t you forget, you cannot ride a bike so fast, and they are also our school rules.
B: I know! I know this and that. I know to be careful, and I also know the traffic rules, just like I know how many fingers I have.
A: But I don’t think only to know some traffic rules is enough. If you only know them but not obey them, will you have to drive a tank to keep yourself safe from danger? B: I really want to tell you: I know that, I never ride my bike in the school, I never cross the road without seeing left and right, and I even give seats to the elderly on the bus! Is that ok?
A: You always do that?
B: Er, sometimes, but there are some other seats on the bus.
A: I mean, you are always obeying the traffic rules? B: Usually.
A: What do “usually” mean?
B: Sometimes I do not obey them... But not too often, that’s not a problem!
A: No, that’s a very big problem. I have a friend. He is really good. He does well in every subject. He is polite to everyone and he is „
B: Wait„
A: He is helpful. He always helps lost children„ B: Hey„
A: And sometimes he wants to„
B: Stop!
A: He doesn’t want to stop working hard, you have to know. B: Is it about our talking?
A: Oh, I forgot! OK, one day, he was on his way home. He saw the traffic lights red. But he wanted to go home quickly to do something important. Then a car hit him, and he stayed in hospital for half a year.
B: How terrible!
A: You said that’s not a problem. But do you really know, there are about 100, 000 Chinese died in traffic accidents. Every 5 minutes, one person died. And every minute, one person hurt himself and cannot live as a common man any more. Do they really know the importance of being careful with cars? Of course they know! But they just think like you. They do not think to be fast or to be careless for several times is a problem. But maybe just for one or two seconds faster, they lost their lives!
B: Is that true? That cannot be the fact!
A: Yes, and I also tell you, 20 percent of the accidents were on students.
B: How terrible! How can we protect ourselves?
A: We know many traffic rules, and all of us know how to do it. But when we are on the road, we forget them all! If we only know the rules but not to use them, they will be useless!
B: I understand that. We must not only know these traffic rules, but also use them. We must be careful every day, every time, because even a very small mistake can take our lives away.
A: That’s good, I am very happy that you know that. I hope more and more people can know that. And if we all know that, much fewer people will die in the accidents. There must be fewer and fewer accidents, too!
B: That’s all right. Let’s tell others about these and then, as you say, our world will be more beautiful.
A: OK! Let’s go!
B: Oh, wait a moment, I want to see that bus driver again. A: That bus driver? Why?
B: I know how to say to that rude bus driver.
A: What?
B: I will tell him: “Your bus can carry a bike, but my bike cannot carry a bus! Be careful, Sir!”