英语搞笑剧本

⑴ 求一个搞笑英语话剧剧本（6人）

《孔雀东南飞》（英文搞笑话剧）
本文来自: 恒星英语学习网( 详细出处参考：
焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)
焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)
太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)
Prologue
(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy
wifeisWuSong.
(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!
(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?
-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,
.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender
thanme.Butsheisnot!!
(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)
Act1
(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!
(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?
L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum?
JM:I’“mymostbeautifulgracefuland
dearestmother-in-law”.
L:OK.-in-law,what’sup?
JM:.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so
lazy……
L:But……
JM:Neverinterruptme!
L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall
daylong,cookingandwashing.
and……
JM:!
L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour
son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)

⑵ 搞笑英语话剧剧本

我们班刚演过 ，获得了系里一等奖(孔雀东南飞 英语搞笑剧本) 虽然人物多了一个，可以有群众演员嘛

焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)
刘兰芝lunch(lforshort)
焦母johnny’s mother(jmforshort)
刘母lunch’s mother(lmforshort)
太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)
强盗burglars(abandc)

prologue 序幕

(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)
j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while my
wife is wusong.
译：人人都说我怕老婆，实际上我是老虎，（小声）我妻子是武松。

(指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!
译：我才不怕你呢！

(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, i’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.she is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i donot care. i only want she to be tender than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!
译：谁怕谁啊！在邻里中，我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些，但是她却不懂温柔！有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊！

(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)
my god! who can help me?(下)
译：我的天！谁来救救我啊？

act1 第一幕
(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)
jm(拄拐棍上):i can!
(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you?
l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here! what’s up ，mum?
jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law”.
l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?

jm:since you married my son you have be havedso badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,so
lazy……
l:but……
jm:never interrupt me!
l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny,i have been working hard all
daylong,cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and cks and chicken
and……
jm:but all those you have done arenot asvaluable as a grandson!
l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son. i’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)

act2
(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)
l:mum, i’m back!
lm:you are back?why?what happened?
l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.
lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted on
marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listen
to me. look at yourself……
l:but,mum……
lm:never interrupt me!
l:mum,i’m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? and
i’ll marry whomever you want me to.
lm(大喜):nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market.he said:“if your daughter
haven’t been married,i really really want to marry her!”now you are free again, i ’ll go
and tell him.(下)
l(惊愕):what? the mayor’s son?the most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood? (手中的锅
铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)

act3
(j睡眼惺忪上)
j(边走边道):lunch! lunch! where are mysocks?
(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty!
(突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh,i’m so hungry! but there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围
裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! now
she has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.
jm(上):where’s my breakfast? where’slunch?hasn’t she got up yet?
j:mum, can’t you remember?lunch has gone!
jm(沉吟片刻):well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is suseless. lunch is an ice
girl,go and take her back!
j(立正敬礼):yes madam!

act4
(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
a:hey you!stop and listen to us!
the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
b:and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
c:if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)
ab&c:give us all your money!
j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
a:what bad luck! this guy is broken!
b:if we cannot robany money today,we will havenot thing to eat tonight!
c:i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liulan next month.we can go and
rob the wedding!
a&b:good idea!
j(惊讶):what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!
ab&c:why? a pretty girl and a richman,what a good couple!
j:but lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced yet!
(突然有了主意)i’ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don’tyou? i’ll go
with you. you take the money and i take the bride.
b:have you got any experience?
j:no. but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)

act5
(转眼已到了婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(j和三强盗跃至台中)
abc&j:hey you! stop and listen to us!
a:the road is built by me!
b:and i planted one tree.
c:if you want to go by this street---
j:give us all your money!
(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)
l(惊喜万分):johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)
(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒)
j(火冒三丈):how dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向ms冲去）
(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)
(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
j(扶起l，关切地问):honey, how are you?
l(哭状):i hurt a lot!
j:don’t cry baby.i’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)
l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)

⑶ 英语搞笑小品剧本

Characters: Narrator(N), Salesman(S), Dad(D), Maggie(M), Alice(A), Candy(C), Policeman(P)
Preparation: 学校布景，做糖果用桌及相关材料，小贩家布景

Scene1（At Salesman’ home）

N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!
S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……
Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)
First, put the flour on the table.
Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)
Now press, press……
Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)
Press, press……
Oh, my god!(鼻涕)Never mind! Just do it!
Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe……
Now let me cut it into pieces!
One, two, three, four, five……（用脏菜刀）
Wow, everything is ready!
糖果钻出来（跳舞），跳完后，非常难过地说：Oh, I’m so dirty and ugly! What can I do? The students will eat me! And they will be ill! Wuwuwu…
S: Mmmm…It looks dirty, let me give you a nice coat! (给它穿上) Wow! Now it’s so beautiful! Haha……
C: Oh, no! Don’t sell me! I’m dirty!(拖糖果下场)

Scene2（At the school gate）

N: The next day, when the class is over, all the students come out happily and the salesman goes to the school gate as usual. （Maggie和Alice 欢快地跑出校门，看到小贩）
(小贩拉着糖上场，吆喝)：Candies! Candies! Sweet candies! ……
M: Oh, Alice! Look! Candies!
A: Yeah! I think they are yummy!
M: Let’s ask him.
A: OK!
C: Don’t buy me！（非常焦急）
M&A: Why?
C: I’m dirty！
M: No, you look nice!
C: What can I do? (面向观众) Wuwuwu…(小贩将她拉在后面)
S: Candies! Candies!（引诱两个女孩）
M&A: How much are they?
S: Do you have money?（轻蔑）
M&A: Money?(对视)

M:Oh, I’ve no money!（失落之极）
A: Me too.
S: No money? So sorry!(吆喝着走开，下场)
M: What can we do now?
A: Let’s ask dad for money.
M: But how to ask?
A: How?…Oh,I know ,let’s make him happy ,and he will give us money.（自信）
M: Good idea!(全部下场)

Scene 3:（At Maggie’s home）

N: The children have to go home and ask dad for some money, and they know their father is good at playing guitar, so they will do something clever. (爸爸看报)
M: Dad,dad,let’s sing a song ,OK? (同时Alice去取吉他准备拿给爸爸)
A: And play the guitar for us!
M: We know you play so well!
(爸爸诧异地看着孩子)
D: Oh? What a bright day today!
M&A: Please, dad!(哀求)
D:OKOK! Let’s.
(取吉他，开始准备)D: Which song do you like? How about Edelweiss?
M&A: Of course!
(开始弹，第一段孩子随节奏起舞，第二段孩子开始轻声讨论起来“you first”之类的话，爸爸停止弹琴。)
D: What’s the matter?
M: Dad, we have no money!
A: Can we have some please?
D: I think you have lots of pocket money ,and you don’t need any more.
M:I want to buy some candies at the school gate.
A: They look so sweet and nice!
M: Other students always buy them!
D: But……You can’t ! They are quite unhealthy. Please go and do your homework..(置之不理，转头看报，孩子回到房间)
M: What shall we do now?
A: Let me think …well, I know!(轻声在Maggie耳边说)
M: Oh, you are so clever! Let’s go.(回到爸爸身边)
M: Dad, I want a new eraser!
A: I want a longer ruler!
M&A: Dad, please！
D: Things are expensive these days. We have to save money!
M: But dad, my eraser is too small now!(拿出破橡皮来给爸爸看)
A: And my ruler is broken.（拿出断尺）
D: OK, children. I believe you this time, make sure, don’t buy the food at the school gate. It’s unhealthy! Do you know?
M&A: Yes, sir!
D: Here you are !( 给钱)
M&A: Thanks very much, dad! Bye!(非常高兴，下场)

N: The next day, when the class is over ,Maggie and Alice come to the salesman again. They are happy to buy the candies and then have them, but soon they feel a stomachache.
(孩子高兴地买了糖，边吃边回家，小贩下场，孩子到家后肚子痛)
M: Aiyo!……（两人躬着背进场）
A: …….
D: What’s wrong?
M: I’ve a stomachache!
A: Me too!
D: What did you eat? The food at the school gate?
M: Yes. We had some candies just now.
A: I had some too!
D: Oh! You’ve cheated me! You bought the candies instead of the eraser and ruler. I always tell you that don’t buy the food at the school gate, they are unhealthy!（生气）
M: But they look nice!
A: And tastes good!
M&A: Aiyo……
D:Well, Let’s go to the salesman together and have a look!
M&A: OK.

Scene 4: (At the school gate)

N: When they get to the school gate, a policeman is asking the salesman to go away.
(正走到校门口，发现警察驱赶校门口的小贩)
P: Hey! You shouldn’t stay here, leave now!
C: Let’s go home, let’s go home! (轻声并拉小贩)
S: No! My candies are nice and popular here! And…
C: You are telling a lie! I’m very dirty and unhealthy!
M&A: Dad, it’s him! Aiyo…（指着小贩）
D: He?
(警察走过来问爸爸，朝小孩)
P: What’s the matter with them?
D: They got a stomachache after having his candies.
S: Really? But I’ve never heard of it. And……
P: Stop, stop!(打断小贩) Look at the two girls! Are you guilty? You must be honest with the students, and don’t sell candies any more.（非常严厉）
S: OK. I know. (羞愧)
C: Let’s go home. Let’s go home.
Policeman(对小孩): Girls, please listen! Don’t buy the candies next time. They are bad for your health.
D: Yes, he is right. And you shouldn’t tell a lie to me. Try to be an honest person! Will you?
M&A: OK, dad!
P: Let’s take them to the hospital now.
D: OK, Let’s go.
N（出场）: A few days later, the girls recovered. And this story is trying to tell you that some of the phenomenon must be kept down, we hope it could be improved soon. What’s more, we also hope students themselves can be honest and all the salesmen can be honest as well

⑷ 跪求英语六人搞笑剧本

On The Way Home回家的路上
Six high school students are walking on their way home, talking, laughing, ...
六个高中生走在回家的路上,一边聊天,一边笑.
A: hey, guys, what are you going to do when you get home?
喂,哥们,你们放学后干什么啊?
B: I'm going to watch the soccer game replay.My parents won't let me watch in the early morning.I'm so mad at them.
我要看足球重播.我爸妈不让我大清早起来看.我还在生他们的气呢.
All:(sing)If you're mad and you know it stamp your feet(everybody stamps his feet)
大伙(唱) 如果你知道你生气你就跺跺你的脚(跺脚)
C: I think I'm going to get something to eat first. I'm so hungry.
我一回家就要找吃的.饿死我了.
ALL:(Sing) If you're hungry and you know it touch your tummy,mmm...(everybody toches his tummy)
大伙(唱)如果你知道你饿了你就摸摸你的肚皮(摸肚皮)
A:(to D) what about you?
A(对D说) 你呢?
D:(pretend to yawn)I can't wait to lie down on my sofa. I'm so sleepy.(yawn again)
D:(装打哈欠)我恨不得马上躺在沙发上.真困!(打哈欠)
All except E:(sing)If you're sleepy and you know it take a nap(pretend to take a nap while yawning)
大伙E除外:(唱)如果你知道你困了你就打个盹(打盹)
all of a sudden, A realizes E is nowhere to be found.
突然,A 意识到E不见了.
A:(to F)E,where is E?
A(对F说) E, F 呢?
F: I have no idea. He was with us one minute ago.
不知道呀.刚才还在啊.
Eeverybody turns around looking for E.
大伙四处寻找E
B: Look! there he is! (pointing )
在那! 他在那!(手指远处)
C: oh oh, he is with a stray dog.
不好了,他和一个流浪狗在一起.
D: I know he likes dogs.
他喜欢狗.
F: but that dog looks mean.
但那狗样子很凶唉.
A: we’d better tell him to stay away from that mean looking dog.
我们快叫他别理那狗.
Everybody: (shouting) E! Come back! Come Back!
大伙(大声叫)E! 回来!回来!
B: Oh my god! He is bleeding!
天啊!他流血了!
D: The dog bit him!
他被狗咬了!
F: Hurry up!
快过去看看!
Everybody runs to E. E moans in pain.(pretend moaning)
大伙跑过去.E 疼痛地叫着(装疼叫)
ALL: (to E)are you all right?
你怎么样?
E: (shakes his head and keeps moaning)
(摇头,疼叫)
A: let’s call for help!
快叫救护.!
All: help! Help!
有人被狗咬了!有人被狗咬了!
They can not find any help nearby.
附近没有人.
B: Let me carry him to the hospital.
我背他去医院吧!
All: let’s go!
走!
B picks up E and carries him on his back.
B 背起E.

They go to the hospital.
他们朝医院走去.
The End
剧终
不知道你们会不会唱那首歌”If you’re happy and you know it”, 如果不会就照读好了.唱歌的话效果会好些.

⑸ 英语搞笑小品剧本（要简单点）

12分钟好象有点长，我这里有我参加“星星火炬英语风采大赛”的剧本。参考一下额
Time ancient times. Character Mister Dongguo, wolf, hunter, old
apricot tree, Lao Niu, old farmer." In wilderness the mist and st is
billowing, shouts the acoustic shock day. In shouted that, " fight wolves!pursues (a wolf belt arrow wound to go on stage)
wolf: I originally am
come from the north wolf, but in today the arrow was injured (wolf
lamely to run) [ Mister Dongguo to carry on the book pouch, on the one
hand walks on the other hand self-effacingly recites poetry.)
Guo: From a pot of wine among the flowers
I drank alone. There was no one with me --
Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon
To bring me my shadow and make us three.

(Between the flower a pot liquor, drinks alone without the intimate.
Raises glass invites the bright moonlight, becomes three people to the
shade) (suddenly to discover on road crowd of ants, heart of the
mercy, has lifted a foot does not enre to lay down)
Guo: (Reads)
walks not injuries the cricket 蚁命 manner to have to have the mercy
heart (cautiously to bypass ant, after continues to lead the way)
(field shout big quake)
Guo: What happened next? The United States
military has joined battle with Iraq? (Wolf runs has come up) the
wolf: The alt saves a life, behind had a hunter to have to peel my
skin, rescued me!
Guo: Good good, is the person to want to be sincere
(was saying behind, dismounts the package, all but actually came out
the inside book)
Guo: You first hide in this package (wolf lamely
sneak in package) (Mister Dongguo to carry book pouch, continues to
walk) (on hunter) the hunter asks
Guo: Ask scholar's, has seen the
wolf which was injured to pass a moment ago?
Guo: Not.
Hunter: Thanks
gentleman. After (under hunter) (waits hunter to walk far, Mister
Dongguo put wolf from book pouch has gotten down)

Guo: The hunter walked, you in a big hurry escape the
wolf: Is
not I does not want to walk, I really am tired hungry
Guo: What then
you do want to eat?
Wolf: I must eat your meat! ! (Reveals fierce and antagonistic
expression)
Guo: Why then you do want to eat me? I have graciousness
and you

Wolf: Because you me stuffily in book pouch too long
Guo:
Really is the good intention not good newspaper. Is not good, I must
go ask the person to figure out! (Said, brings wolf to go) (to walk to
an old tree under)
Guo: Sets up eldest sister, I rescued the wolf, the
wolf have actually had to eat me. You to me comment this principle!
Tree: Should eat! (Wolf self-satisfied has smiled) the tree: Your
humanity endlessly cutted the piece of trees, continually our these old trees do
not let off, burns us with the fire. Why can't the wolf eat you? Ate
you to be able few indivial to damage the nature (under old tree,
wolf slowly approached Mister Dongguo) (by now on cow)
Guo: Holds on a minute, lets me ask Niu eldest brother Guo: Eldest
brother Niu, my good intention has rescued this wolf, now it actually
must eat me. Should you said? Cow: This! Our Lao Niu gives birth to
must do this for your humanity to do that, drinks or our milk. But we
only eat the worst fodder every day, rest the worst cowshed, you also
had to dig up our cowhide to make money. The old wolf should eat you.
Wolf: (Sneers). Looked you also have any flattery (under cow) (on
farmer) Guo: And so on one and so on, the distant place has come an
old farmer. Asks him to figure out, if he said you should eat me, I
have complied with. Wolf: Good, I give you last the opportunity. Guo:
The old uncle, I has rescued this wolf, it actually ungratefully must
eat me. You said this makes sense? The farmer asks the wolf: Why did
you want to eat your savior? Wolf: He too has been stuffily long me in
the book pouch, almost suffocates me (farmer to take up book pouch,
about about looks at) the farmer: Was this book pouch such small, how
many installs the book all not to be able to install, how installed
under you? Or you demonstrate to me have a look? Wolf: The
demonstration (said on the demonstration, earth-boring auger has
leisurely gone in) the farmer to settle on the time, grips tightly the
book pouch mouth, ties up with the string. The wolf on is stranded in
the inside farmer: Silly scholar, the wild animal eventually is a wild
animal, could not change natural disposition. Is the person surely not
to be able to be excessively benevolent! Guo: (Nod name is) indeed
indeed, declines office e to old age the uncle to teach the farmer:
Then the present, we "solved" it (say. Two people treat the book pouch
to pummel, the farmer also uses the hoe to pound the wolf. The wolf
sends out the sorrowful bugle call in inside, one could not not then
have the sound of something astir) (farmer and Mister Dongguo shook
hand, separates from each other)

The curtain falls, all actor goes on stage.
时间 古代。
人物 东郭先生、狼 、猎人、老杏树，老牛、老农。”
荒野中烟尘滚滚，喊声震天。
内喊：“打狼啊，追啊
（一狼带箭伤上场，）
狼：我本是一只来自北方的狼，无奈今天中箭受了伤
（狼一瘸一拐跑下）
〔东郭先生背着书囊上，边走边摇头晃脑地念诗。）
郭： From a pot of wine among the flowers
I drank alone. There was no one with me --
Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon
To bring me my shadow and make us three.
（花间一壶酒，独酌无相亲。举杯邀明月，对影成三人）
（忽然发现路上一群蚂蚁，顿起慈悲之心，已举起的一只脚不忍放下）
郭： （念）走路莫伤蝼蚁命
为人要有慈悲心
（小心翼翼地绕过蚂蚁，继续前行）
（后场喊声大震，）
郭：又发生了什么事？美军又与伊拉克交战了吗？
（狼跑过上来）
狼：大人救命，后面有个猎人要剥了我的皮，救救我吧！
郭：好吧好吧，做人要厚道
（说着，卸下背后的包，把里面的书都倒了出来）
郭：你先躲在这个包里吧
（狼一瘸一拐地钻进包里）
（东郭先生背着书囊，继续走）
（猎人上，）
猎人问郭： 请问秀才，刚才看见一只受伤的狼过去了吗？
郭：没有啊。
猎人：谢谢先生。
（猎人下）
（待猎人走远后，东郭先生把狼从书囊里放了下来）

郭：猎人已走，你快快逃命去吧
狼：不是我不想走，我实在是又累又饿
郭：那你要吃什么？
狼：我要吃你的肉！！（露出凶狠表情）
郭：那你为何要吃我？我有恩与你

狼：因为你把我闷在书囊里太久了
郭：真是好心没好报。不行，我要去找人评理！
（说完，带着狼向前去）
（走到一棵老树下）郭：树大姐，我救了狼，狼却要吃我。你给我评评这个理！
树：该吃！
（狼得意的笑了）
树：你们人类无休止地乱砍乱伐，连我们这些老树也不放过，用火来烧我们。狼为什么不能吃你呢？吃了你就能少个人来祸害大自然了
（老树下，狼慢慢逼近东郭先生）
（这时牛上了）
郭： 且慢，让我去问问牛大哥
郭：牛大哥，我好心救了这只狼，现在它却要吃我。你说该不该？
牛：该！我们老牛生下来就要为你们人类干这干那，喝的还是我们的奶。可我们每天只吃最差的草料、睡最差的牛棚，你们还要扒了我们的牛皮去赚钱。老狼该吃你。
狼：（冷笑）。看你还有什么好说的
（牛下）（农夫上）
郭：等一等，远处来了一位老农夫。找他评理，要是他说你该吃了我，我就遵从。
狼：好，我就给你最后一次机会。
郭：老伯，我救了这只狼，它却忘恩负义地要吃我。你说这有道理吗？
农夫问狼：你为何要吃了你的救命恩人？
狼：他把我闷在书囊里太久了，差点闷死我
（农夫拿起书囊，上下左右看了看）
农夫：这书囊这么小，装书都装不了多少，怎么装的下你？要不你示范给我看看？
狼：示范就示范
（说完，慢慢悠悠地钻了进去）
农夫看准时间，把书囊口扎紧，用绳子绑好。狼就被困在里面了
农夫：傻秀才啊，野兽终究是野兽，改不了本性的。做人千万不能过分仁慈！
郭：（点头称是）的确的确，多谢老伯教诲
农夫：那么现在，我们就把它“解决了吧”
（说罢。两人对着书囊拳打脚踢，农夫还用锄头砸狼。狼在里面发出哀号声，不一会便没了动静）
（农夫与东郭先生握了握手，分道扬镳）

幕落，全体演员上场。
剧本是我自己写的，希望给你帮上忙啊

⑹ 比较搞笑的英语剧本，原创

是谁把100服务小姐逼成这样的？？？？100服务台小姐：先生晚上好，请问有什么可以帮你的吗？ 外轨：shouji没电了，自动关机了，请问现在几点了？ 100服务台小姐：（晕）那先生您怎么给我打的 外轨：我的shouji自动关机一样可以拨打dianhua，只是看不到时间 100服务台小姐：（晕）先生现在是凌晨点分？请问还有什么可以帮你的吗？ 外轨：哦 ！这么晚了你怎么还不睡觉. 100服务台小姐：（晕）对不起先生，这是我的工作，请问你还有什么事吗？ 外轨：没事就不可以打dianhua了吗？ 100服务台小姐：对不起先生，我不是这个意思 外轨：为什么给你们打dianhua是的？为什么给其他人打dianhua是收的？ 100服务台小姐：先生。这是我们对顾客的一种高质量服务，我们本着顾客是上帝的宗旨，所以打我们客服dianhua是不需要收的. 外轨：那上帝饿了.我把我家地址给你.你来我家给我做点吃的好不好.. 100服务台小姐：先生对不起，我们没有这项服务 外轨：你们对上帝的服务还挑三拣四吗？ 100服务台小姐：先生对不起，我们只对客户提出的业务方面问题所做解答。请问现在还有什么问题吗？ 外轨：我不是不讲理的人。这样你回答我个问题，回答正确我就不纠缠你了 100服务台小姐：（**）请您讲 外轨：第一。万里长征一共走了多少里 100服务台小姐：万千里吧 外轨：第二，参加人数多少人 100服务台小姐：万千人吧 外轨：还懂点历史，最后一个问题，他们都叫什么名字？ 100服务台小姐：................................................. 外轨：拒绝回答上帝的问题，我会投诉你的 100服务台小姐：对不起先生，我真的不知道 外轨：这么简单的问题都回答不上来，你对工作的态度很不认真，而且还有抵触情绪 100服务台小姐：（哭）这。这。这个简单吗？这样吧先生。喔 对了 我目前上的ABC天卞英语的老师才和我提过，其实要掌握好英语是不难的！坚持需要个恰当的学习情境跟闇练口语对象，最关键就是外教水平 口语纯正才可以 持续每天口语沟通 1对1家教式教学就有很.好.的学习效果！上完课同样要复习听取课程录音音频，帮助加强记忆；如果真的无对象可练习的环境 只能到 VOA或BBC获得课外学习资料研习 多说、多练、多问、多听、多读，迅速的语感就培养起来 学习成长应该可以迅速明显的；我也给你出个问题，不知道有兴趣回答下吗？ 外轨：说来听听 100服务台小姐：00年奥运会是在什么地方举行的！ 外轨：北京，下一个问题 100服务台小姐：那请问先生开幕式是几月几号？ 外轨：月号。如果下一个问题你敢问我开幕式时看台上所有人的姓名，我还会投诉你 100服务台小姐：（狂哭）先生把你的地址给我吧，我去给你做饭。。。。 .

⑺ 急求搞笑的英语话剧剧本

荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本
旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.
Action II
（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）
荆轲
Are you Li mochou?
李莫愁
Yes.
荆轲
OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.
李莫愁
Are you challenging me?
荆轲
Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意
李莫愁
Come on!
音乐起
两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”
李莫愁倒地
荆轲大笑
李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.
荆轲再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
荆柯：Sure!
太子丹：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?
荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.
阿三：Hero，we need your help.
荆柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荆柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荆柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new proct of Unilever China.
荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t rece my weight.
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……
（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）
荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）
荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.
妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）
荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)
妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.
荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.
妻子:"I promise."
荆轲:"Never let go. “
妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）
妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，
荆珂上船，渐渐远去
妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……
妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
阿三：Okay okay!
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.
想要更多网络消息说

⑻ 急求英语搞笑话剧剧本，要有翻译

焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)

刘兰芝lunch(lforshort)

焦母johnny’s mother(jmforshort)

刘母lunch’s mother(lmforshort)

太守之子’sson(msforshort)

强盗burglars(abandc)

prologue 序幕

(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)

j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while my

wife is wusong.

译：人人都说我怕老婆，实际上我是老虎，（小声）我妻子是武松。

(指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!

译：我才不怕你呢！

(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, i’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.she is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i donot care. i only want she to be tender than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!

译：谁怕谁啊！在邻里中，我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些，但是她却不懂温柔！有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊！

(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)

my god! who can help me?(下)

译：我的天！谁来救救我啊？

act1 第一幕

(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)

jm(拄拐棍上):i can!

(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you?

l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here! what’s up ，mum?

jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law”.

l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?

jm:since you married my son you have be havedso badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,so

lazy……

l:but……

jm:never interrupt me!

l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny,i have been working hard all

daylong,cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and cks and chicken

and……

jm:but all those you have done arenot asvaluable as a grandson!

l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son. i’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)

act2

(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)

l:mum, i’m back!

lm:you are back?why?what happened?

l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.

lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted on

marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listen

to me. look at yourself……

l:but,mum……

lm:never interrupt me!

l:mum,i’m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? and

i’ll marry whomever you want me to.

lm(大喜):nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market.he said:“if your daughter

haven’t been married,i really really want to marry her!”now you are free again, i ’ll go

and tell him.(下)

l(惊愕):what? the mayor’s son?the most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood? (手中的锅

铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)

act3

(j睡眼惺忪上)

j(边走边道):lunch! lunch! where are mysocks?

(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty!

(突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself.

(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh,i’m so hungry! but there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围

裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! now

she has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.

jm(上):where’s my breakfast? where’slunch?hasn’t she got up yet?

j:mum, can’t you remember?lunch has gone!

jm(沉吟片刻):well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is suseless. lunch is an ice

girl,go and take her back!

j(立正敬礼):yes madam!

act4

(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)

a:hey you!stop and listen to us!

the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)

b:and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)

c:if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)

ab&c:give us all your money!

j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough?

(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)

a:what bad luck! this guy is broken!

b:if we cannot robany money today,we will havenot thing to eat tonight!

c:i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liulan next month.we can go and

rob the wedding!

a&b:good idea!

j(惊讶):what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!

ab&c:why? a pretty girl and a richman,what a good couple!

j:but lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced yet!

(突然有了主意)i’ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don’tyou? i’ll go

with you. you take the money and i take the bride.

b:have you got any experience?

j:no. but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)

act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)

(j和三强盗跃至台中)

abc&j:hey you! stop and listen to us!

a:the road is built by me!

b:and i planted one tree.

c:if you want to go by this street---

j:give us all your money!

(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)

l(惊喜万分):johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)

(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒)

j(火冒三丈):how dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向ms冲去）

(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)

(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)

j(扶起l，关切地问):honey, how are you?

l(哭状):i hurt a lot!

j:don’t cry baby.i’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)

l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)

⑼ 【英语小品剧本】

SW-白雪公主 Q-皇后 M-魔镜 H-猎人P-白马王子 D-小矮人 音乐起，旁白 A long time ago, In a beautiful kingdom, there lived a young king and queen, the people loved them so much; the queen died while giving birth to a girl, her name was Snow White, She was a beautiful princess. Year passed, the king got married again, The people didn’t love the new queen, because she was cruel. One day, In the king’s palace: ----白雪出场 S.w: My name is Snow white , I am a beautiful princess, I miss my mother so much, Where is my mother ? Where is my mother ? 音乐起，皇后、魔镜出场 Q: I am a queen , I’m very beautiful , Where is Mirror ? Mirror , Mirror on the wall , who’s the most beautiful ? M: Snow white is much more beautiful than you ! Q: Hunter, go kill Snow white . 猎 人 出 场 H: Yes, my queen 音乐起，猎人追赶白雪，公主惊慌出逃 S.w: Help me ,help me, please, please ! 白雪顺利脱逃后 S.w: I am tried and hungry, oh, there is a little house , I will eat a little and lie down. 音乐起，7个小矮人出场， D: 1\Look, somebody ate my food---- 2\Somebody drank my water---- 3\Someone is sleeping now---- 4\What a beautiful girl!---- 小矮人睡觉----音乐起公主先醒了----小矮人醒了----对话 5\How do you do? S.w: How do you do? My name is Snow white … Nice to meet you! D:（齐说）Nice to meet you ,too---- 6\ welcome to our house!---- 7\Would you like to live here? S.W: My pleasure, thank you very much! D: Let’s go out for our work, bye-bye, Snow white. 皇后、魔镜出场 Q: Mirror, mirror on the wall , who’s the most beautiful? M: Snow white is much more beautiful than you! Q: What ? Snow white is not dead ? Hahaha, I got a good idea! 音乐起，皇后扮演老太太出场，对话 Q: Apple ,apple, beautiful apple, S.w: Hello, Good morning grandma! Q: pretty girl ,would you like a bite? S.w: Oh, yes ,thank you grandma! 白雪公主咬一口后倒地 Q: The girl is dead! Hahaha… 小矮人出场、围着公主哭 Snow white wake up, wake up… 音乐起，小矮人引着王子出场 P: A beautiful girl! She shall be my queen! 王子唤醒公主，公主醒了 P：Wake up ! Wake up , my queen ! S.w: Thank you for your help ! P: My pleasure ! 音乐起，小矮人、公主、王子跳起欢快的舞

⑽ 急！！！求英语搞笑短剧剧本。

英语搞笑短剧剧本 AprilFool'sDayN: Many years ago, on April 1, a body had birth. His father called him "foolman", nobody like him except his mother. How time flies!F: Mum, I'm eithteen years old, so I will leave this family.Mum: All right, but please see me at times. This is a bottle of drink, a piece of dry bread. Remember: take good care of yourself, bye!N: He came to a forest, and met an ugly man.U: Hello! I'm very hungry and thirsty, could you give me something to drink and eat, please?F: Ok, hereU: Oh, thanks very much! Now, I will go. Oh, this stick is for you, it will bring luck to you. Good luck!N: The foolman reached a restaurant, the boss had two daughters, they found the stick very brightly.D1: Oh, how beautiful it is! I want it, it's great!!! （上前抓木棒，却被粘在上面） Oh! Dear! I can't leave it! （吃惊地）D2: Sister, what are you doing there? Do you want this stick yourself? No, I will get a part of it! We are parent's daughters, I must get a part of it like you! （走向木棒）D1: Don't come! Don't come! It's dangerous!D2: You can come, so I can come, too! （也被粘在木棒上） Oh, my god! What's wrong with me?D1: What a pity!N: Foolman didn't mind at all, after the meal he took the stick leave the restaurant. Of course, two girl followed him. In the field they met an old scientist.S: Oh! Terrible! You two girls follow a boy. How silly of you! I will take you back home, and take the boy to the police station. （抓stick ,也被粘住） Oh! Bad luck! Terrible!N: A few days later, they got to a strange country. The king had a daughter, but she never smiled or laughed.King: Who can make her smile or laugh, she'll be his wife.F: Let me try , Perhaps I can.N: Then they went to see her. She saw foolman and his friends laughed and laughed.k: Ok, you make her laugh, now let us look at your 生辰八字. Which day is your birthday?F: April 1.转自：K: Oh! What a great boy! Do you know my country's name? Let me tell you: it called "Fool World"! Very suits you, right?!N: The result is ——The follman lived happily with his wife until they died. That is why we now have a holiday called : "April Fool". 请问这个可以吗??